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1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web. 2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 3) I will get dressed before noon. 4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web. 5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived. 6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book…if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime … and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

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when he doesn’t take his pills, his world looks so crazily crazy.
honestly i haven’t finished my report yet, there’s still a lot left and I’m not sure whether i can finish it tonight or not cos I’m so down and depressed and surely I’m not in the mood of doing anything right now.
I’m glad you’re feeling better and at last you found some time to spare and check here…………………..
you know every word i type takes ages to come to my mind and it takes me a good 5 minute to finish every line. i type a few words, stare at the screen and then ask myself:” then what? is it all you want Keith? are you sure these are the words you wanna say?” then i answer myself with a big NO and another long meaningless stare.
(you have no idea how long it took me to write the lines above!)
i feel weak, my hands are cold as ice, yes it’s nothing unusual. i dunno why my hands are so cold every day and it’s been like this all my life.
I still remember that guy at highschool, I still remember his green eyes and warm big hands and how much i enjoyed sitting by his side and he holding my hands in his so they wouldn’t feel numb anymore. i remember once i told him:” B I really love you, why you keep on ignoring me?” and he didn’t say a word, just smiled and held my hands tighter. I wish i could see him again and this time i wouldn’t hesitate to kiss him.
sometimes I’m not sure how alive i am cos it’s hard to hear my own heart-beat and yes my hands are cold, as cold as the ice outside; then how could i be still alive?!
it must be something very weird to feel ok, so are you ok?
you know i had to finish that fucking report but i didn’t. it was a “must-be-done” obliged by myself cos i have to read tones of articles and there are 2 articles that i have to write it by myself in a week time and i don’t have any idea how to write them cos i have to open piles of books and spend hours searching before i can write the introduction;and next week I’m going back to Anchorage and it’s again another +12 hours working everyday and would i have enough energy to finish anything?! surely not cos I’m not a super hero with significant natural powers.
Keith, don’t drown, for God’s sake, don’t drown!

I’m sick of myself, I’m sick of this world, I’m sick of everything and everyone cos there’s no reason left to go on, i wish i could puke my brain and dig into my rib case to take my warm beating heart out just to take a look at it, just to make sure it’s still beating. and what should i do if it wasn’t beating, it wasn’t warm but a big cold stony thing?!

how much i like to lock this door and stay in my bedroom forever, and do you know how long forever is?! is it too long?
i would have locked the door if i knew where the key was but the key is not in this room; it’s not here so where is it?
yes i know it must be miles away, probably melted to something better, may be a a wire for cutting heads, but who makes wires outta cast iron?! Keith, you know no one do that cos it’s not possible to extrude cast iron that much! you passed that course, didn’t you?

so why i agreed with her that we shouldn’t lock doors in our home?! i dunno, may be she was afraid of the day i do something stupid?! then that’s so stupid cos I’m doing stupid things everyday and why should she bother if i hurt myself? is it really that important?

i spent most of the day reading and thinking; what was the name of that book? i dunno
And who was the writer? i don’t have any clue, but i know it was written in French and all i read was a quite good translation that you had to re-read some parts to understand and you couldn’t skip lines.
and how much i felt like the heroine of that tragedy , was she the heroine then? did she drown herself? if she did then why the writer didn’t say anything? why I’m still sitting in my bedroom on bare floor and leaning against the door so no one can come in!
it must have been a good story that i cried when it finished. and i cant see the point those fucking tears are getting together to make a big drop and run down my face just to give me a feeling of wetness and salt.
hey it’s been years since the time you grew up and you’re still seeking for that thing, for that lost part of your past?! and why don’t you stop it? yes i know you like dreaming about your own nightmares and what’s that big nightmare making you hide behind your blanket and weep sadly? are you really that sad or you like that bitter feeling of being lost in your never-land and cry for help. shout as loud as you can and then shut your mouth cos there’s no voice left for you and you know nobody cares!
you care?! why should you? tell me just a reason and that’s gonna be enough!
because you love me?! that’s stupid cos i cant see the reason to be loved.

no, i wasn’t created to be an angel, i was made to be a fallen creature struggling in his own shit every minute. so where are you hiding now? don’t you really wanna think nasty and talk dirty? where’s your next blog entry? look that guy’s such a turn-on , how dare you stand still and stare at the nothingness infronna your eyes when he’s shaking that sexy ass so wild!?!

how sick i feel, how tired i feel and how much………. no i don’t want this dirty life end cos i cant stand my own shouts and cries and begs when suffering that eternal torture on my sluttish body.
“I didn’t give you this body for your sexual pleasure, you were supposed to worship me, to praise me, to beg me to forgive your stupidity. how dare you committed so many sins in front of my very eyes, you little worthless creature of mine” he’s gonna say this, he’s waiting there to rip my flesh with his divine sword and say this to me.
” so you wanted to be disobedient?! you thought that it was a big ridiculous joke written in those holy books saved there just for you to laugh at in the future and tease your creator!? who you thought you were?! weren’t you another creature i made cos you had to exist on this big planet so i could show my heavenly powers, I’m the mighty one, so kneel and praise me.
you rude creature, how dare you stare at me with your sinful eyes. i didn’t give you those eyes to gaze at whatever bare body you could find; those eyes were given to cry for forgiveness.”

I’m an attention seeker, i do anything to attract attention and i don’t mind what it is: it can be exposing my body to whoever wants or exposing my thoughts to strangers. i offer you my hand for help but actually all i want is pulling you closer to own you. i want you for myself, i want you to pay attention to me and just me!
and how lonely i am cos I’m lost. he’s there watching me, waiting for me to call him and he’s gonna take me outta this shit with his almighty hands.
“call me son”
” no, i don’t like you, i cant see the reason to love that infinite eternity. why you created me? how dare you created such a weak creature that you knew he’d fall and could never climb up to your heavenly doors?! you enjoy watching me suffer from my own sins every now and then that i feel there’s no reason for living but just loving you and then i go, i cry helplessly in front of your powerful eyes and go. go back to my every day life.
“so how’s Alexis doing? want a ride on daddy’s back?!”
or kissing my sweetheart and saying” babe, so what should i buy today?”
or spanking that boy and slipping a tongue in his warm mouth and thinking:” he tastes so good”

how real are they? ain’t they a reflection of my own thoughts?
who am i? what am i doing here? are you sure I’m the one I’m trying to show?

I’m 26, i have a degree in material…………… how do you know?
it’s obvious? yes I’m so fond of metals, I’ve been a fan of heavy metal all my life, huh?! no not that metal? so you want me to talk about forging? or why you cant weld aluminum? or how you can make nano-wires?!
how small a nano-wire is?! i think i have some wires in my closet, lemme bring ’em!

I’m tired, I’m cold, I’m weak, this stomachache is killing me, it’s been days since the first time it bugged me. ” i must be hungry” so i eat, i empty plates but it gets worse. i try to ignore it. then it must be PMS. PMS? are you alright?
yes I’m alright, I’m sure, it’s my PMS!
so when did you last have a period?!
hhhmmm i don’t remember, it must be years ago. yes it’s so long i don’t remember when it was. can you tell me how it is like, may be i have one right now?!

where’s that book*? was it a book or just notes? where have i put it? did i really read it?or may be it was a dream?
momma, i wanna talk to you!, do you know where daddy is? huh?! he’s gone. yeah yeah i know.
what? it’s not polite to use “yeah and huh!” why momma, why it is like this?
huh? i shouldn’t call you momma cos it’s childish?! then what should i call you? is it ok if i call you mom, or what about mommy, i think mummy’s gonna be much better!

why i felt so much like Clarice? yes you were such a good mom. i could kiss and hug you whenever i like but did you ever botheryourself to ask me how i felt?
“mommy i feel sore in my throat”
–“ok, i’m gonna take you to the doctor, i’m gonna make you soups, i’m gonna give you orange juice”
“mommy, i won’t come home before 8, we’regonna have a game with the other team from the other school”
–” ok, but be home before 9″
“momma, you know today i scored 20 points all on my own, you know we win and those guys were so tall i have to pass the ball between their legs”
–“why your clothes are so dirty? put ’em in the washing machine and hey wash your legs before going to bed”
“momma i got A+ in my geometry exam and you know it was so hard, many of the other kids could hardly get a “D”!”
–“good, now wash your hands and come have dinner”
“momma, why you never take a look at my report cards?”
–“cos i know you have good marks!”
“momma, do you know which grade i am in?”
—————–
“momma i need a bike”
” if you get good marks, we’re gonna buy you one”
“momma, ever wondered how i go to school?”
“yes by bus!”
“so why you never take me there?”
“cos you can go yourself”
“momma do you wanna come and see the final game?”
“no, i hate basketball”
“momma we won, take a look at my -fake- medal?”
“put it there and take a shower”
“momma, my friend john told me his mom helps him with his homework, so why don’t you help me?”
“cos you have to do it on your own”
“momma may i sit on your lap?”
“wait, i have to finish cooking”
“momma can i sit on your lap now and you run your fingers through my hair”
“ok”
“why don’t you cut your hair?”
” ok, i’m gonna do it, if you kiss me”
and she kissed me.
“why you never kissed me good night?”
“cos you’re a man now”
“but you never did it when i was a kid”
she turned her head.
“keith, don’t cllimb that tree, you’re gonna hurt yourself”
“no, i won’t, wanna come up?!”
“momma why you never come to school and talk to my teachers”
“for what?!”
“to see how i am doing at school”
” cos there’s no need, i know you’re a good student”
*********
“momma, you gotta come to my school tomorrow”
“why? ask your dad to come”
“no you must come”
after lots of struggles she came.
” you know Mrs…… you have a genius son but ….” they didn’t let me stay.
on the way home. “momma, why are you so silent”
she didn’t answer, surely she was thinking about what i did.
the next day she gave me a box of color pencil. i knew what i had to do, i gave it to the boy sitting next to me; later i threw his pencil box in the garbage can. no i didn’t want his pens, i want my mom to come to my school, she didn’t say a word. did she understand why i did it?!
*********
“momma today i met…..” slamming the door, she doesn’t mind i met someone i love.
“momma you know today me and … went to the lockers and……….” yes she doesn’t care her son is no more virgin.
and did she ever ask me why?!
yes once she found the romantic letters i wrote.
“so tell me what are these?”
“nothing, well they’re not mine, they’re for my friend’s. he gave them to me so……..”
shit why i could never lie to her.
“end it, you’re still a child”
” ok mom. ok, i will”
yes i ended everything, and she didn’t bother herself to ask me whether i loved her or not!
AND YOU WEREN’T THERE WHEN I GOT MARRIED, YOU WEREN’T THERE TO SEE YOUR GRAND DAUGHTER AND YOU’RE NOT HERE TO SEE HER TALK!

yes, i’m 26. i’m a grown up man or at least i look like one and i’m still looking for a mom.
that old lady sitting in the park,yeah she’s so perfect to be my mom.

“do you want a son?”
“do you wanna be my mom?”
“i promise to be a good boy , you know there’s something bothering me, there’s something eating me from inside and i don’t wanna tell my wife, ….. yes she understands but……..
thank you
can i sit here?
am i a bad son?
you know i really tried to be better but i cant change myself.
you know last night………
hhhmm actually ………
yoohoo any body there?
you’re gonna mail me, ain’t you?
what?1 you’re busy tonight? ok i can wait- or i have to wait-
am i bothering you?
do you mind if i kiss you?
can you hug me?
i’m not feeling ok.
you know you’re such a good mom, i love you…………

BUT YOU’RE NOT MY MOM AND YOU NEVER WANNA HAVE SUCH A SON BUT WELL YOU’RE SO GOOD THAT YOU DON’T WANNA BREAK MY HEART. OK I TRY TO BE YOUR MOM BUT YOU KNOW……
YES I KNOW, YOU’RE NOT MY MOM, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE AND THERE’S NO REASON TO CARE ABOUT SOMEONE LIVING MILES AWAY. SOMEONE YOU MAY NEVER SEE!
I APPRECIATE YOUR ATTENTION AND I LOVE YOU AND YOU KNOW IT’S NOT JUST WORDS….
I WISH YOU WERE MY MOM AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING**

*.I was reading this:” Elle est parite” by ” Catherine Guillebaud”
**. those words asking you to be my mom are so familiar to your eyes, am i right? and you know I’m talking to you and i knew no other way to thank you.
***. i know no one wants a son like me but if you ever wanted a son for free, I’d be happy to have a mom!

I’m getting ready to get up and get dressed and get my lazy ass in right gears to move and leave home for a while to get something to eat. got what i said?

Spending my third day of staying home and doing nothing and just staring at random things and waiting for random things to crash on my head or other random unexpected unfortunate events, nothing special has happened till now. So i made my mind to get outta home and do something productive like running after kids, sitting on ice and catching no fish or shooting some moving things and then call ’em moving moose.

honestly it seems i was happier when working more than 12 hours a day, at least i was doing something and by the end of the month i could smile at the sight of those additional figures in my account.

right now: Meg & Alexis are out at some friends’ place, in-laws are enjoying themselves  doing i dunno what and my fucking boy friend is hanging with some (read one) cute girl(S) he met the other day.

and i know you’re green with envy! yes it feels great not to work that i feel i’m going crazy if i stay one more hour at home and i have decided to go back to my old job till the end of my vacation, then finish my fucking contract with that fucking company and get back home (that’s gonna take a whole month so fuck ’em all!)

and I know now you’re saying why i’m complaining 7/24 when zillion of gay guys are dreaming of my life and i wonder how they can be gay when they’re fantasizing about boobs and pussies!

i feel so gay today cos when i woke up, it was 10 to 8 and no one was at home and nothing was left for me to eat and i had 2 notes stuck to the fridge; one from my wife saying i could have crackers and milk for breakfast and she won’t be home earlier than 5 pm and i have to pick her up and i can join them for lunch if i were in the mood of getting outta house, taking a bath and shaving.

the other note from J was a lot better; it started with a “fcuk your lazy ass for sleeping too much” in bold and italic and big red font and i hate red pens! then telling me  he’s gonna spend his day with the girl he met the other day in a party he went with Meg & Alexis last Sunday.

things worrying me:

1. is it wrong to sleep 2-3 hours a day?

2. why no one tried to wake me up and take me with themselves?

3. why my gay boyfriend look so straight to me?

4. should i buy Meg a…… for our first anniversary or buy Alexis a tricycle or buy myself a skateboard or buy J a pair of rings for his wedding?

there must be something very wrong with me, i know it’s too hard to deal with depressed me and it’s hell boring to be down so often but at least they could offer taking me out than letting me stay home and drown in my own shit.

And i’m gonna laugh till death if J fucks that girl and tells me he’s not feeling gay anymore!

Wanna have a boy friend with a wife and a naughty kid? i’m 5′ 10”, 137 lbs and i’m just a pink elephant lost and looking for a caring guy, i’m not too ugly (yeah i look better than your gay grandpa! ) and i earn ….k$ per month, so can we meet tonight cos i feel so gay and i need an @$$ to f***.

i knew you were jealous of me, admit it!

Iditarod sled dog race leader Jeff King stands backwards on his sled as he crosses the 90 mile Kaltag portage before arriving in the coastal village of Unalakleet, Mar. 11, 2007.

the last time i checked the news , i got this

rank musher (bib)

A big FUCK!

and me & J started a new week together cos I  found him a job in the place i work, so at lunch times we can escape to the men’s room for some passionate kisses and a few fucks hihihi

apart from the so many good news i received, I found my lil sis’ mail telling me she’s gonna get married soon. it’s been a while we didn’t have much time for each other but i think she’s gonna have no time from now on and i’m really happy for her.

as i manage to slow down my stressful life, there are many things waiting for moderation.

sooner or later we’re going back to our little city with less work and more time for ourselves and friends and here comes the question: Would i ask J to come with us?

i still need some time to ponder and i’m gonna write my decision when it’s final cos i don’t have the energy for arguments and reasoning.

hhmm about the title, it was in my blogstats and i could swear it’s been written by my dad-in-law but well that’s too late for him to search a way to get rid of me 🙂

and do i let a boy with bipolar disorder to be my daughter’s boy friend? nope. it’s not because people with bipolar disorder are terrible, you shouldn’t give the chance to making a baby with that sickness cos the shit is too much to deal with and that’s really selfish of a parent!

time for a joke, this place’s been so creepy the last few days

“A Normal Person”

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from
time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked
the Director what the criterion was which defined
whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then
we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the
patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor.. “A normal
person would use the bucket because it’s bigger
than the spoon or the teacup?”

“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would
pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window
or close to the door?” (reality sucks, right?)

If i rant, if i cry, if i beg Mr. Almighty to die

he doesn’t listen to his sinful child

so i rant and cry and beg and shout

wishing for a moment that comes

when the world stop working

or i’m lying dead on the ground

whilst i can’t go through more pain

cos i’m weak, hopeless and down

( and i know you’re tired of hearing these

so i shut my mouth up and wait and bleed)

*****************

Paradise Lost p:38 bookIII

Hail, holy Light, offspring of Heaven firstborn,
Or of the Eternal coeternal beam
May I express thee unblam’d? since God is light,
And never but in unapproached light
Dwelt from eternity, dwelt then in thee
Bright effluence of bright essence increate.
Or hear”st thou rather pure ethereal stream,
Whose fountain who shall tell? before the sun,
Before the Heavens thou wert, and at the voice
Of God, as with a mantle, didst invest ***
The rising world of waters dark and deep,
Won from the void and formless infinite.
Thee I re−visit now with bolder wing,
Escap’d the Stygian pool, though long detain’d
In that obscure sojourn, while in my flight
Through utter and through middle darkness borne,
With other notes than to the Orphean lyre
I sung of Chaos and eternal Night;
Taught by the heavenly Muse to venture down
The dark descent, and up to re−ascend,
Though hard and rare: Thee I revisit safe,
And feel thy sovran vital lamp; but thou
Revisit’st not these eyes, that roll in vain
To find thy piercing ray, and find no dawn;
So thick a drop serene hath quench’d their orbs,
Or dim suffusion veil’d. Yet not the more
Cease I to wander, where the Muses haunt,
Clear spring, or shady grove, or sunny hill,
Smit with the love of sacred song; but chief
Thee, Sion, and the flowery brooks beneath,
That wash thy hallow’d feet, and warbling flow,
Nightly I visit: nor sometimes forget
So were I equall’d with them in renown,
Thy sovran command, that Man should find grace;
Blind Thamyris, and blind Maeonides,
And Tiresias, and Phineus, prophets old:
Then feed on thoughts, that voluntary move
Harmonious numbers; as the wakeful bird
Sings darkling, and in shadiest covert hid
Tunes her nocturnal note. Thus with the year
Seasons return; but not to me returns
Day, or the sweet approach of even or morn,
Or sight of vernal bloom, or summer’s rose,
Or flocks, or herds, or human face divine;
But cloud instead, and ever−during dark
Surrounds me, from the cheerful ways of men
Cut off, and for the book of knowledge fair
Presented with a universal blank…………

those living in the northern parts of the states specially Alaska know pretty well about iditarod cos every where you look there’s a sign of this race. i’m no exception.

yes gotta admit it’s fun and hell exciting to trace those sleds when you have nothing much to do but it gets quite annoying as you see papers with iditarod  news every day.

first of all lemme give a brief review on what exactly it is:

The Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race, usually called the “Iditarod”, is an annual dog sled race in Alaska, where mushers and teams of dogs cover about 1,150 miles (1,852 km) in eight to fifteen days. The Iditarod began in 1973 as an event to test the best dogsled mushers and teams, evolving into the highly competitive race it is today. The current fastest winning time record was set in 2002 by Martin Buser with a time of 8 days, 22 hours, 46 minutes, and 2 seconds.[1]

Frequently teams race through blizzards causing whiteout conditions, and sub-zero weather and gale-force winds which can cause the wind chill to reach -100 °F (-75 °C). The trail runs through the U.S. state of Alaska. A ceremonial start occurs in the city of Anchorage and is followed by the official restart in Willow, a city in the southcentral region of the state. The trial proceeds from Willow up the Rainy Pass of the Alaska Range into the sparsely populated Interior, and then along the shore of the Bering Sea, finally reaching Nome in western Alaska. The teams cross a harsh but starkly beautiful landscape under the canopy of the Northern Lights, through tundra and spruce forests, over hills and mountain passes, and across rivers. While the start in Anchorage is in the middle of a large urban center, most of the route passes through widely separated towns and villages, and small Athapaskan and Inuit settlements. The Iditarod is regarded as a symbolic link to the early history of the state, and is connected to many traditions commemorating the legacy of dog mushing.

The race is arguably the most popular sporting event in Alaska, and the top mushers and their teams of dogs are local celebrities; this popularity is credited with the resurgence of recreational mushing in the state since the 1970s. While the yearly field of more than fifty mushers and about a thousand dogs is still largely Alaskan, competitors from fourteen countries have completed the event including the Swiss Martin Buser, who became the first international winner in 1992.

The Iditarod received more attention outside of the state after the 1985 victory of Libby Riddles, a long shot who became the first woman to win the race. Susan Butcher became the second woman to win the race, and went on to dominate for half a decade. Print and television journalists and crowds of spectators attend the start at the intersection of Fourth Avenue and D Streets in Anchorage, and in smaller numbers at the checkpoints along the trail.

(some fukcing picture here but doesn’t load!)Iditarod musher Cim Smyth booties up his team in preparation to leave the McGrath checkpoint on the Kuskokwim River on Wednesday morning March 7, 2007.

standings
rank musher (bib)
1 Lance Mackey (13)
2 Paul Gebhardt (10)
3 Ed Iten (30)
4 Mitch Seavey (20)
5 Cim Smyth (4)
6 Tollef Monson (75)
7 Ramey Smyth (8)
8 Zack Steer (7)
9 Jeff King (31)
10 Martin Buser (19)

Musher Stats           Veteran      Rookie      Female      Male      Total
Alaska                           43               15                   10        48          58
Other U.S.A.                   8                 9                  1           16          17
Other Countries             4                 3                  1            6            7
Total Active Mushers   55             27                   12         70        82
Withdrawn                     11              16                   6           21        27
Total Sign-Up                66             43                  18          91      109

hell boy                           0                   1                     0          1         0

and as far as i know they’ve passed Nikolia till now!

that’s the news for this time, i’m gonna try uploading some pics and updating what’s going on here while others in most part of the world are enjoying the spring!(early huh?)

and next Sunday gotta remind me to move my watch’s hands a bit forward. Fucking  DST!

*. for the iditarod map check here: http://bp2.blogger.com/_cYAS8d45hp8/Re-ZgZbwrAI/AAAAAAAAA4o/zYpNZTjsG8M/s1600-h/idatrod_route_southern.jpg

and for the news check here: http://www.iditarod.com/2007/

and to check what i’m up to check here

huh no link, well here means here! d’ahhh!

a bit late but….
There have been many, many times when I may have . . . .

disturbed you,
troubled you,
pestered you,
irritated you,
bugged you, or

got on your nerves,

But today I just want to tell you that…

I PLAN TO CONTINUE !!!!!!!

so the other day, i mean last night, as usual we had our gathering in a little restaurant not far from where we live.
i have to mention it’s been snowing ice and shit (something like cats and dogs!) for a while and as a result of my worst nightmare, i never drive in snowy nights (the reason is obvious, take a few seconds to think of it!) so we let J do the driving and parking & living in Ak, the biggest state of US of A, there ain’t much difference in finding a parking lot unless you have a “disabled” number and I’m not a proved disabled or they don’t count bi polars as mentally disabled guys!
we went in (we: me, Meg & Alexis) & waited but after 10 minutes there was no sign of my fella, J. so we thought he might be killed in action.
after waiting a few more minutes, i decided to live the warm comfy place and look for my missing body, hoping to hear his death report soon probably killed by some hungry bears.
and there came my baby koala, so me and Alexis went outside standing in the snow and singing “Mary had a little fucking lamb” cos she loves that song and walking here and there to avoid being frozen.
alas, there was no sign of J and i was pretty sure that my homosexual nightmares were over and i could get back to my not very straight life, so i hugged Alexis, ran a few yards away from the door to make sure he was dead, then back to the restaurant to ask Meg call him or call 911 when i heard someone calling my name.
as long as it was only me & Alexis on the street, the voice was surely calling me, so i pressed my brake pedal and turned around looking for the source of noise.
i was sorta petrified cos i couldn’t believe my own eyes, fuck my photographic memory, i can hardly remember names and numbers but faces and events stick in my mind for years (& nope it’s not good cos there are many things i wish i could forget but they run infronna my eyes in the undesirable moments)
She was pretty older than i could imagine, well i haven’t met her for more than 15 years but her voice was the same and as strict as ever. once again i felt like the little naughty elementary student i was & god knows how naughty i were, i was a living disaster but i think i would have behaved better if i had known what was waiting for me in the future.
she was my 4th grade teacher, though it was very hard to please her, she’d been the best teacher i ever had.
once i drove my mom really crazy and she threatened me she’s gonna tell Mrs. X, i locked myself up in my room and didn’t talk to my mom for a day; it’s so vague but i think Mrs. X told me something that later i apologized my mom & some years later mom told me actually she had talked to my teacher and she told her not to argue with me a lot, i was just an energetic genius boy & one day she’s gonna be proud of me.
I’m no more energetic nor genius, may be i could become some one to be proud of if i stayed in university but i didn’t and i dunno how my mom feel about me but i guess i didn’t bring shame on my family.
ooopppss back to last night, i was really surprised cos it’s been more than 6 years that we had lost our contact ; i used to send her mails (not e-mails!) when we moved to another city the next year and we kept in touch till me & her moved to another place at the same time and we had no chance to find each other again and to be honest it’s been a while I’ve forgotten her;-)
yeah, last night, i know!
so after being petrified i woke up again with Alexis squeaky voice, yes she wanted to be introduced 😆
and Mrs. X was over-excited by the extremely cute baby girl i have so she wanted to see her mom so i asked her to join us for dinner so we went in and all those greetings and boring introduction blah blah blah and yes she said i was too lucky to have Meg (fuck it , is it that obvious?!?!)
and i forgot the existence of J when outta nowhere this poisonous mushroom jumped in our little happy company.
after exchanging a few passionate words like where the fcuk you’d been or bitch, didn’t you promised not to smoke, we came to the point of introduction so i said:” this is J, my….. ” and i couldn’t think of a proper word after so many lovely words Mrs X said about having your own family and what a darling family we were, she left no place for my boy friend and thanks to Meg for helping me in the last moment.
“he’s bellboy’s best bud” -yeah that’s it!-
the rest was boring just eating and reviewing old days and telling my wife what a terrible troublesome kid i was that i wished i could drown myself in the glass of coke infronna me cos blushes weren’t enough!
in the end we exchanged addresses and numbers and asked her to come visit us next weekend.
conclusion1: ignore your old teachers when you’re out with your boyfriend!
conclusion2: i love being so gay and still being married to a very straight wonderful woman,(to her: baby, i love yo)

Never “for the sake of peace and quiet” deny your own experience or convictions. – Dag

i found it really hard to write in third person so let it be me and him!
Me & him met each other in different chat-rooms for a while and slowly slowly we tried to know each other, after a year or so we started voice-chatting and by the end of the second year we used webcams to communicate and sometimes called each other when bored but we were never too close
After 2.5 years knowing each other Me broke up with my girl friend, trying to experience new things, by the end of the 3rd year he told me what he did for the living and we shared a few personal things suggesting it was time to meet.

holdinghands.jpg
but then i changed my way 270 degrees and went on my 2.5 months journey to hell to discover the rights and wrongs!
later on Me moved to the state he lived and got married though i visited his city several times we never had the chance to meet till some time early this year me had to attend in a meeting and we planned to get together at last and Me ended in his place staying for a night and heading home the next morning.
though he was a heavy drinker and smoker we got together better than we expected.
some unexpected things happened later that me, BG & W stayed with him for a while and he was a great support.
I accepted his unusual kindness as something given from a friend but apparently BF wanted us to be more than friends.
Me invited him for W’s birthday party but later changed my mind and asked him not to come. not listening to me at all he turned up uninvited.
that night we ended fucking each other’s brains out.
Later i couldn’t get rid of the feeling of guilt cos i some how cheated on W. it took Me a while to figure things out and starting a new chapter in my shitty life.
So Me & W after much of arguments and fights got to the point that it was something that must be given the chance to be tried, the last decision was to move to BF’s place and share everything with him.
As soon as i managed to get rid of the feeling of guilt and tried to understand the RM, i experienced a new love, something i never felt my whole life. it looked so intense so pure and so fresh that took me a while to undestand the difference between that and what was between Me & W.
now i know that things look much better and brighter when four of us are together, he’s part of the family now and it’s like he’s been there for a long time we can hardly remember how we lived without him. it may look selfish but W loves BF in her own way and BG is too small to understand anything like this.
So i started this blog to analyze my feelings!

as usual i’m earlier than expected but i don’t mind.
let’s drop a tear for the loved ones we lost and let’s give a big kiss to the living ones.

i don’t remember how many e-cards and cards i sent but i’m happy receiving warmer replies, i appreciate.
it’s not that i don’t wanna blog or i don’t have much to say; i don’t have the time. i’m busy like hell, not having enough sleep and not eating enough; i’m not sure how long i can go on!

but well in a day time it’s valentine’s so those lonely people out there, better look for a sweet-heart or i can ask some of my vampire friends to kiss you once!
happy Valentine’s day and don’t eat too much!

The other day I was thinking how lonely I was and how much I hated the cyberspace cos my friends left me and how much I wanted to start everything again from day one and I cant believe I have to start from the scratch as a result of my own mistake!
I’m not even sure whether I want to blog again or not.
I’m sure about one thing:
I hate those fucking cow-orkers who wanna fuck with me!
some times i wonder why I left my meta-stable life and put myself in circumstances I never wanted to be in but there’s no way back.
I’m not against anything but I have my own rules; I respect most of the public moralities so I give myself to have some privacy and live the way I like when at my own place, Am I asking for too much?Is it a crime?
no, I don’t really wanna talk about it right now. I have a lot to figure out!

I hate cloudy days and more than that i hate my passive episodes.
i wanna stay in bed and do nothing beside sleeping and crying and praying for my own death.
And how pitiable and helpless i look.
And it fucking ridiculous to share everything you had with some one else unwillingly
And apparently I’m sharing my family with my boyfriend or vice versa.
so my wife my daughter and my boyfriend are out going to the movies and restaurants and me sitting on the bed staring at the traffic light on the other side of the street and counting the cars passing the light and waiting for them.
i need a dead body, it can be me it can be some one else.
and how meaningless is the word “my”?
do i have anything of my own?
yes i still have my body but i lost my soul again in a crowded street the other day!

i was a bit bored so i did some of http://www.blogthings.com quiz
i need some time to get started, that’s it!
How Pure Are You?
You Are 16% Pure
You’ve been a very bad girl or boy…
And you probably enjoyed every minute of it.
The Sesame Street Personality Quiz
You Are Bert
Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable – even if you don’t love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical – you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others
The Simpsons Personality Test
You Are Homer Simpson
You’re just an ordinary, all-American working Joe…

With a special fondness for pork rinds and donuts.

You will be remembered for: your little “isms” and philosophies on life

Your life philosophy: “Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals … except the weasel.”
How Shy Are You?
You Are 56% Shy
Although you live a pretty normal life, you tend to be a fairly shy person.
Many situations make you feel uncomfortable, and you sometimes find your shyness hindering your life.
Are You Spoiled?
You Are 32% Spoiled
You’re barely spoiled. You may have some nice things, but you never let them go to your head.
You appreciate each gift you’re given – and you don’t dwell on what you “deserve” to have.
What Is Your Star Wars Horoscope?
Star Wars Horoscope for Sagittarius
You are superbly wise and have been known to spread your wisdom widely.
You are impatient and pushy when people take your teachings too lightly.
And your philosophical side always peeks through.

Star wars character you are most like: Yoda
How Daring Are You?
You Are Bold And Brave
But daring? Not usually?
You tend to like to make calculated risks.
So while you may not be base jumping any time soon…
You are up for whatever’s new and (a little) exciting!
How Lucky Are You?
You have an average luck quotient.
There’s been times when you’ve been extremely lucky… but also times when you’ve been very unlucky.
You probably know that you can make your own luck in life, if you’re open to it.
So listen to your intuition as much as you can. It’s right more often than you might expect.

i’m an expert in making quick decisions, i don’t say all of them end in places i like but that’s the way i like it.
So we’re moving.
i got the ticket for Sunday morning and let’s not say to where but this time it’s one way.
i’m gonna take Alexis with myself but Meg gonna join us by Tuesday
we don’t have much to take, just clothes and a few personal things. me & Meg gonna take as much as possible and in-laws gonna send the rest later.
so everything gonna be new, a new life, a new job and a new place to live.
we’re gonna live with my boyfriend and we had set some rules till now; my wife is mine and i don’t wanna share her with anyone until she wants it herself.
i had this job offer for a while and i had to make my decision by the end of this month, i thought i wanted to stay in Bethel but i hate small communities, i like to get lost in crowded place with a few people knowing me.  but well gay society is still very limited.
and i wanna start a new blog, i’ve started the very first things right now and it’s gonna be hell different
people won’t have real names, gotta put a cover on everything and it’s gonna be more about sex than other things.
so i still keep here open to have a place for every day rant and not to forget how i started everything.
i guess in-laws gonna stay here for a few month then go back to their home in Colorado but probably they won’t follow us.
i have stuck my to-do list to the fridge, i have lotta things to do beside packing.
i have to say good-bye to all of my friends and go to places i like, surely miss the delta a lot
but we wanna keep the house, it’s jus another 14 months so it’s worth it meanwhile we put a “for rent ” sign, we have to balance our expenses
i dunno how i should feel but i’m not feeling blue or bad about it so let’s give it a try.
and i have to thank my wife for let me do whatever i wanted.
life’s gonna be a little hard till she finds a good job but till then i try my best.
this is my new blog: http://meandcallboy.wordpress.com/  (it’s gonna be different so if you think you’re gonna be offended or you don’t like things that way please leave there cos i mean harm to no one)
And thanks a lot for all the visits and supports and comments, i appreciate.
seriously yours
hellboy

AND one last joke before leaving
“Kentucky Vasectomy”

A Kentucky couple, both certified rednecks, had nine
children. They went to the doctor to see about getting
the husband “fixed.”

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and
asked them what finally made them make the decision
–why after nine children, would they choose to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article
that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn’t want to take a chance
on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could
speak Spanish.

while i’m trying to figure what i am and where am i going , you can have a bit of laugh, i go on thinking!
quote:””Do not check your soul at the door when you cross the threshold of your workplace. Whether you are a custodian or a CEO, practice work as sacred art. Respect comes not from the work you do, but the way you do your work.”
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Note: Patient here recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
22. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Here is a refresher course on handy, dandy
tools we need around the house.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the
room, splattering it against that freshly painted airplane part you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws
them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of
light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned
guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say,”Ouch….”
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning
pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the
Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your
future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transferintense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for
lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire.Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on
older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you’ve been searching for the last 15 minutes.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an
automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

voice.jpg 

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  • Offers support of an equalizer.
  • Allows you to add background music to your conversation.
  • Customizable skins are now available.
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  • High compatibility
    click here to download

to start a good new year, let’s think about one of the most difficult questions in the world 🙂

some already have thought about it.

chicken_300×193.jpg

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on “THIS” side of the road before it goes after the problem on the “OTHER SIDE” of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his “CURRENT” problems before adding “NEW” problems.
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the  chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image . . of the chicken crossing the road…
ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.(A male chicken???)
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet xplorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&;^( C \ …. Reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

pretty old but still fun

What do they call Santa’s helpers?Subordinate Clauses

What do you call Santa Clause after he’s fallen into a fireplace?Krisp Kringle.

Who sings “Love Me Tender” and makes Christmas toys?Santa’s little Elvis.

Which of Santa’s reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?”Rude”olph.

Where do Santa’s reindeers like to stop for lunch?Deery Queen.

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney? Santa Claus-trophbia.

The 4 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus. He looks like Santa Claus.

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

What do you call a bunch of Grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood.

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?Because he had low elf esteem.

To: All Concerned

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately,I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the Earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:”These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.”

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefer that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..” when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Labonte, on Elliott
and Andretti.”

5. “Ho, Ho, Ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond,”I her’d dat!”

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off.”

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and “It’s a Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

so this is my last post before christmas, i may take a few days off the cyber world or i may post right after christmas, it all depends on what my christalball tells me, so Merry jesusmas and enjoy yourself, but dont get drunk!

*************************

“Different Picture”
The Sunday after Christmas, the Sunday School teacher told her students about an angel appearing to Joseph in a dream, warning him about danger to the baby Jesus and telling him how to escape from it.
After the story time, the students were given an opportunity to draw a picture about the story. Most of the pictures were predictable, but keith’s had an odd element in it.
“Keith, I see Joseph and Mary with the baby Jesus on a donkey, but what is that following the donkey?
“It’s the flea, teacher.”
“What flea?” asked the teacher.
To which the boy faithfully repeated the Bible verse: “Take Mary and Jesus and flea to Egypt. There’s Mary; there’s Jesus; and there’s the flea.”
********

Why do people kiss under the mistletoe? ever wondered?
The custom of kissing under the mistletoe originates in Norse(not nose) mythology. According to the Scandinavians, the handsome and gracious god Balder had a premonition about his murder. To prevent the death,Frigg, his mother, made every living thing promise not to kill her son. Her only omission was the insignificant mistletoe.
Loki, the evil god (but he was a good guy, i knew him), discovered Frigg’s oversight, and sought to exploit it. Appearing as an uninvited guest at a banquet in Valhalla, Loki watched as the other gods shot arrows at Balder for fun, marveling at how none of the arrows pierced the seemingly invulnerable god. Loki, always seeking to harm, also shot an arrow at Balder, but his arrow was made of mistletoe, so it killed him.
Though clearly innocent by modern standards, the other gods were angry at the mistletoe for killing their favorite god. As retribution, they allowed Frigg to do what she wanted to the plant. Rather than hurt it, Frigg, the goddess of love, decided to make the mistletoe a symbol of affection, asking that anyone standing under it be given a kiss of love and forgiveness.
(Source: THE STRAIGHT DOPE column by Cecil Adams)

quote:Wife to husband: “This Christmas, let’s give
each other sensible gifts, like ties and fur coats.”
&&&&&&&&&

SCHIZOPHRENIA: “Do you hear what I hear?”
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: “We three
kings are all the same person!
DEMENTIA: “I think I’ll be home for Christmas.”
NARCISSISTIC: “Hark the herald angels sing about me.”
MANIC: “Deck the halls and walls and house and lawn
and streets and stores and office and town and cars
and buses and trucks and trees and fire hydrants and …”
PARANOID: “Santa Claus is coming to get me.”
PERSONALITY DISORDER: “You better watch out, I’m gonna cry, I’m gonna pout, maybe I’ll tell you why.”
DEPRESSION: “Silent night, holy night–all is hectic,
all is dark.”
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIV E: “Jingle bell, jingle bell,
jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle
bell, jingle bell rock, ..”
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE: “On the first day of Christmas
my true love gave to me… (and then took it all away.)”

Did you know… While both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year–according to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game–male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid- December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should have known. Only women would be able to drag a fat ol’ man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

sorry, gotta restate Reindeer Facts :
Listen up. Alaska has no native reindeer, as they come from Asia and Europe. Although Alaska has some reindeer farms, they are privately owned and the Alaska Department of Fish and Game would have little to do with them.
Now, let’s assume Santa is a competent breeder of reindeer. Breeding season runs roughly from the middle of September to the middle of January and often is called simply “rut.” Breeding males in rut would not be used to pull a sleigh at Christmas for
three reasons needed for breeding season; not in prime health because of the rigors of chasing females; and not trustworthy during personality change caused by rut.
Similarly, breeding females would not be used to
pull a sleigh because they need to be in prime
health for breeding.

If Santa can’t use breeding males or breeding females
to pull his sleigh at Christmas, what’s left?

Ah, the true answer, verified by checking with my
reindeer farming neighbors and buddies, is …
steers [geldings]!

Reindeer steers have antlers at Christmas, do not
change personality significantly during rut, and are
not needed for breeding.

There you have it. Santa’s reindeer are males …
or at least they were.

think:Consider this!!! What if we woke up Christmas
morning and received everything we truly deserve?

dcsn2020703.JPG 

now the joke:Signs You’ve Chosen A ‘No Frills’ Airline”

They don’t sell tickets, they sell chances.

All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold
out.

Before the flight, the passengers get together and
elect a pilot.

You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact
change.

Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten
your Velcro.

The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little
for gas.

When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows
off the runway.

You ask the Captain how often his planes crash and he
says, “Just once.”

No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing
before your eyes.

You see a man with a gun, but he’s demanding to be let
off the plane.

All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.