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Category Archives: thought

honestly i’ve missed bolgging here, or blogging this way.

i was up to some very xxx-rated writings that you shouldnt read even with your parents by your side and their hands in their pants.

i missed my old friends, the traffic is great but with all the cum, hard cocks and wet pussies when reading your blog, you will feel disappointed.

and well i think i wanna start blogging this way again so i need a few updates or more than few 😀

when was the last time i blogged here?!!!! aha i remembered so here’s some updates of my kind:

1. i’m back to my beloved city of Boston, right now it’s 28F and rainy but i say it’s a lot better than alaska

2. my little alex is 2 years and 3months old, talkative, naughty and a big headache, adorable i say.

3. i’m not married anymore or i am till my divorce is final. haven’t met my ex for a week or so. and i dont care

4. i bought my own place at last, it’s not big and well it’s not so so great but it’s mine so i like it a lot.

5. alex lives with me having her own bedroom and her own friends and well her own rules, she’s the boss of the house.

6.the last 6 months was really hard for me, lots of downs and a little ups. i was so depressed i couldnt work for a while so i got sacked but well not things are

ok and i have my new job, i dont earn much but i can pay the bills at lease 😀

7. i’m not meeting any woman and i dont have any boyfriend but at least i made my mind and jumpped outta closet completely.

8. being gay is one thing and being your real self is another thing, i’m glad at last i made my mind and accepted the very natural thing about myself.

9. right now i live with my baby girl and partner. honestly it wasnt love at first fright but i was madly in love with him and unfortunately things get worse as time goes by.

10. i cant say much about him here cos he will read what i say and i will be punished. all i can say is that at last i found my soul-mate. he’s very understanding or at least he has no problem with me and my mental problem. he likes me being weird.

11. the one thing i really want is getting my divorce, i cant wait to marry him. (crazy right?!!)

12. two months and 10 days ago me and my partner exchanged rings and since then i’m wearing my ring 24-7, something never happened to my wedding ring.

13. i can say i am enjoying my life, and it will be better when i have Alex’s custody. i know one thing, i really want to be her dad and i want her badly and her mom doesn’t want her, so no problem left 😀

14. it’s hard to be gay and a parent and more than that have BD. every time i feel really down i cant stop thinking of losing her.

but i have a wonderful lover and i know i can count on him.

15. my little girl officially lives with me for nearly 2 months and she loves her two dads, so we’re gonna be  a good family but i know she needs a woman in her life and her mom doesn’t want to be that woman. spo i keep on searching and i have found some eager moms to help me.

16. i think that was enough for a start after so long. i need time to keep my other blog updated 🙂

i found it really hard to write in third person so let it be me and him!
Me & him met each other in different chat-rooms for a while and slowly slowly we tried to know each other, after a year or so we started voice-chatting and by the end of the second year we used webcams to communicate and sometimes called each other when bored but we were never too close
After 2.5 years knowing each other Me broke up with my girl friend, trying to experience new things, by the end of the 3rd year he told me what he did for the living and we shared a few personal things suggesting it was time to meet.

holdinghands.jpg
but then i changed my way 270 degrees and went on my 2.5 months journey to hell to discover the rights and wrongs!
later on Me moved to the state he lived and got married though i visited his city several times we never had the chance to meet till some time early this year me had to attend in a meeting and we planned to get together at last and Me ended in his place staying for a night and heading home the next morning.
though he was a heavy drinker and smoker we got together better than we expected.
some unexpected things happened later that me, BG & W stayed with him for a while and he was a great support.
I accepted his unusual kindness as something given from a friend but apparently BF wanted us to be more than friends.
Me invited him for W’s birthday party but later changed my mind and asked him not to come. not listening to me at all he turned up uninvited.
that night we ended fucking each other’s brains out.
Later i couldn’t get rid of the feeling of guilt cos i some how cheated on W. it took Me a while to figure things out and starting a new chapter in my shitty life.
So Me & W after much of arguments and fights got to the point that it was something that must be given the chance to be tried, the last decision was to move to BF’s place and share everything with him.
As soon as i managed to get rid of the feeling of guilt and tried to understand the RM, i experienced a new love, something i never felt my whole life. it looked so intense so pure and so fresh that took me a while to undestand the difference between that and what was between Me & W.
now i know that things look much better and brighter when four of us are together, he’s part of the family now and it’s like he’s been there for a long time we can hardly remember how we lived without him. it may look selfish but W loves BF in her own way and BG is too small to understand anything like this.
So i started this blog to analyze my feelings!

read part one (https://bipolaroverdosed.wordpress.com/2007/02/10/bi-x-bi-straight)
sometimes we can’t control our feelings the way we should!
RM:”bitch, yo late, ain’t yo?”
BF:”sorry, it took me longer than expected”
RM(still angry holding his hands near the heater) :” i can feel flakes of ice moving through my veins, i’d be dead if you showed later than this”
BF (now feeling mad at his mate):” i apologized, didn’t i?”
pressing the break pedal to stop by a take-away, he went on:” hey i’m sorry but i really didn’t have a glorious time either, what do you want for dinner.”
RM (mumbling):”nothing, i feel sick.”
to the shop and back, BF stared at RM’s red eyes and whispered:” you look hot baby”
RM (a bit annoyed):”stop this crap, go fuck yer mom!”
A few more blokes and they were in his place
to be continued…..
*. it’s pretty hard to write about things happened a while ago, i think i let this reach some points, then start writing the current events fed with flashbacks ( i need some time to read more books but dammed i’m far too busy these days!) & i apologize for this crap!

part I.

on the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…..

Sorry, wrong day! oooppppsss it wasn’t actually day, it was a rainy-snowy evening.

RM was walking (read running) up & down a street some where sometime on this planet, waiting for his E-pal to pick him up for the first time.

But he was late and RM was changing into a solid ice cube gradually….

“When our values are different from others, they want to judge us and call us pervs. Us pervs can say that BUT NOT THEM. Fuck them in the neck with their own lousy attitude.” Momma Perv
It’s a valuable quote that should be stuck in mind and if you cant understand it then you really need a brainwash and some genetically doped gray cells!
let this world fear me, i stick to my own moralities and i try not to break the laws of the states so
get outta my sight if you cant see the world from my view!

The other day I was thinking how lonely I was and how much I hated the cyberspace cos my friends left me and how much I wanted to start everything again from day one and I cant believe I have to start from the scratch as a result of my own mistake!
I’m not even sure whether I want to blog again or not.
I’m sure about one thing:
I hate those fucking cow-orkers who wanna fuck with me!
some times i wonder why I left my meta-stable life and put myself in circumstances I never wanted to be in but there’s no way back.
I’m not against anything but I have my own rules; I respect most of the public moralities so I give myself to have some privacy and live the way I like when at my own place, Am I asking for too much?Is it a crime?
no, I don’t really wanna talk about it right now. I have a lot to figure out!