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Category Archives: duty

i’ve been lagging dynamically, mentally, physically and statically, im so lame!

this pullover he gave mefor my birthday is way too warm, im boiling from

inside.

then i’ve been checking some old blogger friednss and holy shit, i missed

a lot.

what else? i’ve been planning christmas since hhhm tomorrow, i will think

of  it later, ok? AND HAVEN’T DONE THE SHOPPING YET.

i have added a new word to my vocab, sister-in-law, gawd it’s such a …

let’s not say what cos i know he may read here and he will kill me for bitching about his sis, im looking forward to not to meet her cos i prefer gay christmas to anything else, let’s pray her

plane gets a flat tyre.

he had made me a wishlist , i decided to ignore but this act of his had a very bad

impression on the little girl, she wanted to have her own wishlist , thanks hell she forgot but if she got herself one, i will post it  to her silly  &^*%$#W#$^$% mom and her bf will sue me with hate crime 😀

back to the sister-in law, i have made my mind to call her before landing to this unfortunate

bean city and tell her i will be having a gay orgy for christmas, likes it  or not and i know she wont like it. and i don’t care.

whatelse? i want a big christmas surprise, something very romantic but my

beloved partner doesnt have “romantic ideas” so i thought i may higher a

temporary woman lover for the romantic part, but that’s so lame.

again back to the sister-in-law, oh she is not yet the sister in law , yippe!

and i was thinking of joining my granny on the plane and go home, sorta missing relatives i guess but i doubt they ever

missed me . they may like my baby though.

there are hell of things to think about, for now it’s bed time, i wantd to sleep on the sofa cos he’s sick and may wake me up with his coughs but as long as i’m sneezing myself with a runny nose, i think we make a good couple for tonight.

now i go to bed but i’ll be happy with an invitation for christmas, if ever

wanted  a cool couple with a little cute girl you can count on me but i cant promise your place looks thesamewhen we leave (she’s more like a monkey than a human!)

i think it’s bed time and i have to go towork tomorrow, urrggghh

good night

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At the moment i feel so much like climbing something & somewhere.

so we’re going for a hike and prob’ly won’t be available for a while.

note: though i love many people around me and Alexis is on top of the list; i’m just going with my wife , just me and her and yuckkkk does it sound too romantic?

lemme check i have taken extra clothes, warm clothes, sleeping bags, fruits, piles of cans, …. there’s something missing, yeahhhh where’s the condom?!

and i’m feeling so gay cos nature is where i really belong (yes i’m a chimp, howdya know?)

so take care, i’ll look after both of us 😉

Sitting all alone on my bed, huddling under the blanket, hearing noises from the living-room and sobbing as quiet as possible; I try to think of reasons.

I’m judge and jury and executioner too and I’m  that usual con. “Guilty,  tie him to that fukcing ‘lectric chair”

“Lump it or like it, I can’t be someone else, at most I can be myself.”

1.How can she smile to such a disgusting man? How can she run happily to such a bastard and call him “dad”?

2.How can she love all those endless arguments? How can she tolerate so many mistakes and lie to herself “He’s gonna change. He’s gonna apologize.”

3. Why he never protested? How could be on my side the many times he knew I was the trouble myself? Why he tries to protect me against my own relatives? Why he wants to be dad instead of dad-in-law?

4. She never hated me but she finds it difficult to love me. She tries to understand me though i could never understand myself. It was so weird to see her kissing me and telling me everything  is gonna be fine!

5. No matter how much i try to avoid him, he wanna be included. I told him we can be partners if he promises not to come to my house and now I dunno what the fuck he is doing here!

********************

Unfortunately i know the answers to my questions: I’m not as bad as I think or as disgusting as the image i try to illustrate.

Alexis loves me cos I’m her dad, may be I’m not the best dad she could have but I love her so much that it neutralize my terrible habits to some extent. She’s too small to pretend she loves me, she’s so innocent to know how to lie. So when she bang on the door non-stop  calling me and pronouncing some crazy weird words that only her mom understands, she has reasons to love her dad!

I love Meg and she loves me, that must be the reason i wear that ring on my left hand. The other reasons are surely private!

Dad-in-law never tried to be my dad cos he knows that my dad was/is/ will be my idol and I won’t replace him with anyone but at least he can love me like his own silly son. So I thank him for being on my side many times.

Mom-in-law and me, me & mom-in-law. Urgh I dunno why both of us try to insist we’re in-laws and we have no other reason to talk to each other. BUT today she was different, she didn’t avoid me, she didn’t want to call me the source of misery. All she said was that everything is gonna be fine.

And the boy friend, i really have NFI what the hell he’s doing in my house right now, specially chatting with my in-laws. I must be a shameless man to let him stay. Well, apparently nobody has any problem with him so why should I!? May be he’s the next candidate for marrying Meg.

And I must get that fucking grip on me-self. I’ve been too much responsible!

I have 3 more weeks to work, I have 2 weeks off and I have to get ready for my first wedding anniversary (yes I remember it! 😉 )  so I have no reason to feel blue.

Conclusion: It’d be better to stop liking a real asshole (that’s gospel truth!). Stop writing so much crap, take a shower, shave and join my family. A dinner out won’t be a bad idea, let’s see who wanna pay the bill!!!

And congrats to all Delta inhabitants, King is in the second place of top mushers! (yeah, Fuck Buser for being and staying the first!)*

*. While others write about NHL,NBA, NASCAR,…. Why shouldn’t I write about Iditarod 2007?!!!

**. I have used capital letters at last!

***. URRGGGHHHH, this boy smells, go take a bath hell boy, Spank, Kick!

****. It’s cloudy and rainy outside and surely every where’s still covered with ice and mush. I wonder how it is like in other parts of the world! Any sign of spring?!

An Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race musher drives his team across the frozen wind-swept tundra on the trail between the Ophir checkpoint and the Iditarod, Alaska, checkpoint, Mar. 8, 2007.

a bit late but….
There have been many, many times when I may have . . . .

disturbed you,
troubled you,
pestered you,
irritated you,
bugged you, or

got on your nerves,

But today I just want to tell you that…

I PLAN TO CONTINUE !!!!!!!

so the other day, i mean last night, as usual we had our gathering in a little restaurant not far from where we live.
i have to mention it’s been snowing ice and shit (something like cats and dogs!) for a while and as a result of my worst nightmare, i never drive in snowy nights (the reason is obvious, take a few seconds to think of it!) so we let J do the driving and parking & living in Ak, the biggest state of US of A, there ain’t much difference in finding a parking lot unless you have a “disabled” number and I’m not a proved disabled or they don’t count bi polars as mentally disabled guys!
we went in (we: me, Meg & Alexis) & waited but after 10 minutes there was no sign of my fella, J. so we thought he might be killed in action.
after waiting a few more minutes, i decided to live the warm comfy place and look for my missing body, hoping to hear his death report soon probably killed by some hungry bears.
and there came my baby koala, so me and Alexis went outside standing in the snow and singing “Mary had a little fucking lamb” cos she loves that song and walking here and there to avoid being frozen.
alas, there was no sign of J and i was pretty sure that my homosexual nightmares were over and i could get back to my not very straight life, so i hugged Alexis, ran a few yards away from the door to make sure he was dead, then back to the restaurant to ask Meg call him or call 911 when i heard someone calling my name.
as long as it was only me & Alexis on the street, the voice was surely calling me, so i pressed my brake pedal and turned around looking for the source of noise.
i was sorta petrified cos i couldn’t believe my own eyes, fuck my photographic memory, i can hardly remember names and numbers but faces and events stick in my mind for years (& nope it’s not good cos there are many things i wish i could forget but they run infronna my eyes in the undesirable moments)
She was pretty older than i could imagine, well i haven’t met her for more than 15 years but her voice was the same and as strict as ever. once again i felt like the little naughty elementary student i was & god knows how naughty i were, i was a living disaster but i think i would have behaved better if i had known what was waiting for me in the future.
she was my 4th grade teacher, though it was very hard to please her, she’d been the best teacher i ever had.
once i drove my mom really crazy and she threatened me she’s gonna tell Mrs. X, i locked myself up in my room and didn’t talk to my mom for a day; it’s so vague but i think Mrs. X told me something that later i apologized my mom & some years later mom told me actually she had talked to my teacher and she told her not to argue with me a lot, i was just an energetic genius boy & one day she’s gonna be proud of me.
I’m no more energetic nor genius, may be i could become some one to be proud of if i stayed in university but i didn’t and i dunno how my mom feel about me but i guess i didn’t bring shame on my family.
ooopppss back to last night, i was really surprised cos it’s been more than 6 years that we had lost our contact ; i used to send her mails (not e-mails!) when we moved to another city the next year and we kept in touch till me & her moved to another place at the same time and we had no chance to find each other again and to be honest it’s been a while I’ve forgotten her;-)
yeah, last night, i know!
so after being petrified i woke up again with Alexis squeaky voice, yes she wanted to be introduced 😆
and Mrs. X was over-excited by the extremely cute baby girl i have so she wanted to see her mom so i asked her to join us for dinner so we went in and all those greetings and boring introduction blah blah blah and yes she said i was too lucky to have Meg (fuck it , is it that obvious?!?!)
and i forgot the existence of J when outta nowhere this poisonous mushroom jumped in our little happy company.
after exchanging a few passionate words like where the fcuk you’d been or bitch, didn’t you promised not to smoke, we came to the point of introduction so i said:” this is J, my….. ” and i couldn’t think of a proper word after so many lovely words Mrs X said about having your own family and what a darling family we were, she left no place for my boy friend and thanks to Meg for helping me in the last moment.
“he’s bellboy’s best bud” -yeah that’s it!-
the rest was boring just eating and reviewing old days and telling my wife what a terrible troublesome kid i was that i wished i could drown myself in the glass of coke infronna me cos blushes weren’t enough!
in the end we exchanged addresses and numbers and asked her to come visit us next weekend.
conclusion1: ignore your old teachers when you’re out with your boyfriend!
conclusion2: i love being so gay and still being married to a very straight wonderful woman,(to her: baby, i love yo)

“Pasta salad with ranch dressing for the ranch lovers. Use festive pasta for special holidays or events.”

Original recipe yield:6 servings

INGREDIENTS

  • 16 ounces pasta
  • 1 (6 ounce) can black olives, drained and chopped
  • 1 (5 ounce) jar stuffed green olives, sliced
  • 8 ounces shredded Cheddar cheese
  • 8 ounces shredded Monterey Jack cheese
  • 2 1/2 tablespoons bacon bits
  • 1 (16 ounce) bottle ranch-style salad dressing
  • 1/2 cup chopped green onions
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS

  1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain and reserve.
  2. In a large bowl, combine black olives, green olives, Cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, bacon bits, dressing, onion, ground black pepper and pasta; mix well.
  3. Cover bowl, refrigerate to chill for one hour, and serve.

dear fairy godmother , i saw a meteor passed the roof (luckily hit the neighbor’s roof, the one with a disgusting bulldog who always shit near my auto-thanks for listening to my prayers) last night so i think you have to listen to me again.

i hate old autos, i hate them when they dont wanna move a wheel for the sake of heavens, i hate them when they decide not to run when you really in need of them. what’s the use of owning an auto that wife hates more than you cos she can only drive with automatic ones & you have to knock on neighbor’s door to give you a hand for starting that asshole almost everyday.

so at last i made my mind & got rid of my ol shitty chevy, God knows chevys are my fave after porsche, beemer & viper & again he’s aware of my empty accounts & the fact i can never own such cool autos.
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ok now i have a few K bucks + a check (from my beloved brother) infronna me & jus finished assessing all those nice offers. honestly i dont need a calculator to calculate how much i have cos it’s jus few, so with all these bumpy roads the only thing i can find is a ford f350 lariat ’04 with 10cylinders,6 seats & surely automatic, i know i dont have enough dough so it’s your job to gimme some.
should i tell you the exact amount or you’re clever enough to gimme a bit more than i need?!
you know when i sit all alone at my desk & pretend im a responsible husband, lots of illegal thoughts come to my mind so you better act fast.
sincerely yours
forgotton hellboy from alaska

************

the next part’s about horoscopes

generally speaking,horoscopes suck, i dunno why but they’re never true, well may be it’s because they are BS.this is what i got a few days ago & well it’s sorta true:

SAGITTARIUS nails the art of being unavailable. This sign understands the yearning for what’s just out of reach because he or she is born with this yearning. What Sagittarius does so well is maintain the appearance of being unreachable even when he or she wants to be gotten and can be easily won. Why rob your fellow human of the thrill of chasing? Anything worth having seems even more valuable if great effort has been taken to overcome obstacles and distance along the way. On the surface, it may seem easy to be unavailable — don’t pick up the phone, say “no” and do not engage the person trying to reach you. However, there’s a difference between being unavailable and being never available. Sagittarius knows that making a strong enough impression to withstand the tension of his or her disappearing act is key. So Sagittarius is sure to infiltrate the thoughts and imagination of his or her subject before taking off. When Sagittarius is finally caught, he or she is sure to make the pay-off worthwhile.

i think im so unavailable that even fairy godmother cant find me, poor me.

nobody loves me, they’re out without me, having fun

ok, whatever shit may come, im gonna ask my in-laws for help!

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everything she has, is so small,  a XXXXsmall creature, small hands, small feet, small clothes, small nose, small ears but big eyes, seems she’s videotaping everything with them & her little mouth & tiny lips ready to taste whatever new on her way. sometimes i spend hours watching her playing with her little toys. sometimes i cant believe this little small amazing creature is mine. sometimes she spends a while looking at me and wondering :”that huge creature is mine, he’s gonna gimme a ride round the room if i smile at him & give him a little kiss.” she’s so genius in her little way.
and this little creature has her own little home, a big box where she can sit, stand and play there. her little place, her shelter,her throne, a place no one can enter without her permission, somewhere to fall asleep while mom & dad are talking, somewhere to hide .
like many other small babies, alex has her own box, we gave it to her on her first birthday & it’s such a comfy place for playing & spreading with little tiny toys that mom never let her scatter in the living-room.
so the other day i was sitting on the floor trying to solve some financial problems with my calculator, when someone knocked on the door, a little chat & i forgot everything i was doing & went to kitchen to have dinner. the next day i couldnt find my calculator & some of my papers. i thought wife’s put ’em on my desk but she hasnt. i spend a while looking for my lost things but couldnt find it.
yesterday afternoon i was dozing off on the sofa, when i felt someone walking on my lap. there’s only one person in our house with that little size. i had a terrible day full of stomachaches & with so many painkillers i took ,i felt a bit dizzy & not really feeling like playing. but the girl is as stubborn as her dad, she wont give up till she gets what she wants, so after taking a few unstable steps, she thought of pulling hair, at least she could make me open my eyes for a while. omg it was one of her bad days, she wanted to be naughty, her mom was out shopping & her lazy dad didnt want to play. a good girl would stop bothering her dad & play with her toys, but alex aint a good little girl, she’s my little demon. so it was time for punishment, she used her only & worst torturing instrument, her ugly bald doll. once you make her angry, she starts to hit you with her ugly beloved doll, not once or twice, she hits you till her last breath. so i had no chance to win the unfair fight. on to the floor waiting for her to sit, like an experienced cowboy she jumped on her sassy disobedient horse. sometimes i wonder why i let her do things like this to me, i think im spoiling her. so after a few rounds, i put her down & let her run triumphantly around the room. then she went straight to her box & after a few minutes came out with my lost papers & calculator, seems it was my gift for being a good dad. well my papers were not readable anymore cos they’ve been wadded, torn, chewed & some parts digested in her little stomach but it seems she didnt have enough time to do any harm to the calculator. i was wondering whatelse she has there but i cant go there without her permission so that means i have to give more rides today, alas.
today’s ponder:”The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.”
– Shirley MacLaine

mood: high self-censorship
symptoms:spent an hour on a post thinking it’s funny, but it wasnt so i kept my finger on the backspace creature till the screen was clean as shit again
wish: want a whole week to eat, rest, shit & sleep
mental shutdown: wife called me million times, still she had to ask our neighbor to tell me she’s coming home earlier
recent bravest deed: changed alex’s shitty diaper for the nth (n approaches infinity) times & sweared i wont do it again, evenif she kills herself crying
latest surprise: meg arrived 12 hours earlier than i expected
latest shock: she arrived with all my nightmares together
nightmare definition: my in-laws & granny altogether, well she told me; i was jus too silly not to believe.
recent discovery: im losing my bones; in the world of underweight people, losing weight means kinda death, so in the last few days i lost another 1.5+lb (actually it was 1.99999lb) im sure now im losing extra fat stored in my bones or maybe the bones!
feeling: as shitty as anyone can, with my granny here, i jus lack words to express my love to my in-law.
holiday plan: nothing new, as it was planned the rest of bitches are arriving on friday night, making me wonder what a hell my house would be like with people aging from 10 months to +100yr ol (eerrr jus kidding ok the oldest’s 72& surely it’s not me, i jus hatched a few seconds ago :).
im going for a biking hiking trip with my bros & their attached guys, hope my granny enjoy the company of my in-laws, im sure both of ’em can please themselves by bitching about moi.
what’s next: this post is worst than anything i could think of.
needs:lotta vitamins, some super powers & a place to live in for a while, mexico probably
notes:im gonna leave my job & work in a nursery jus to have more smelly diapers everyday
quote of the day:”A narcissist is someone better-looking than you are.” – Gore Vidal , hhhmmm well that’s my reason not to take a look at myself in the mirror 🙂
fact:i hit my head against something i dont remember, but i know im not working properly
& latest activity: im readin a book, something really BS. “….Irish short stories” it’s quite a thick book so i better return it to the library cos i hate being fined!
last word: “dont shit in my pants,im old enough to do it myself.”
conclusion: if yo think im anything sad, annoyed or pissed, yo better get yer mind fixed. im really happy cos the wife (countable noun, but never dare to use it in the plural form!) is back & my family that’d be altogether soon. obviously i love my in-laws ,not yo!
& the last last thing: how could france beat Spain?!? 3-1 omfg!
i forgot another thing, in the previous post i forgot to introduce, mr arctic wolf, yeah it’s not anything ordinary, it’s arctic like me, im an ARCTIC hellboy!251124038004.jpg

Quote of the day:”Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom.” – George Iles conclusion:im a wise guy, im a wise guy!
&&&&&&&&
i came to earth as my punishment, no doubt; so i had no choice to select where to live, if i had the chance to choose, i’d be a happy negga living in middle east, hhhmmm neggas dont live in middle east, ok what about south africa?
so unluckily i was born in the US of A; so apart from English as my mother tongue (guess it’d change to spanish in near future!) i have to learn spanish, arabic, japanese, vietnamese, some eastern european languages & if lucky inuit to communicate with other people here.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
so as the genius boy i am (never doubt it, im warning yo!); i decided to ask for help to clean the mess all over the house i made it all my own with a little help of my demoness.
911?!! hhhmm no i didnt call’em but actually it was wiser to call’em later.
i searched the web, looking for some services here, yep i know what telephone book is but i manage my shit with WWW!
so as easy as it could be i got myself somebody to clean the mess, she was supposed to arrive on 4.30, jebzuz i hate the waiting process, aint i paying yo? would it be so hard to arrive on time? as the devil’s my eternal father, i was burning in flames when she arrived round 5.10, omfg. knock knock, “yomathafuker come in”
she came in but i couldnt help myself not to laugh, she wasnt more than 4′ 8″ (that’s round 142cm for those who dont like our units) originally some fucking ~nese, whachmacallid, hhhmm chinese i suppose, let’s call her ms. hooo, i doubt she was 18, but she said so & hell she almost couldnt talk english, i wondered maybe she knows inuit so i can call a friend for help. nahhhh. lmao!
so i had this young miniature shit infronna my eyes. so where should we start?! hhhmmm let’s do it with the livingroom & kitchen, it took me over 45 minutes to make it clear for her what i wanted.
so i left her with dishes i hadnt washed for several days & piles of clothes to be washed & ironed, i even told her how to use the washing machine, wrote it down which one to press blahblah blah…
& i went to the day care, i was 10 minutes late & the babysitter was hell frustrated (so i had to look as innocent as i could to explain my excuse) then i went to a friend’s house, they have a daughter that loves playing with alex, so i appreciate their help. it was some time after 8 when we were home, i was thinking of a neat house as i opened the door.
breathe deep , deeper, deeper, im not supposed to shout cos it’d make the baby cry …..
nothing wonderful, nothing cleaned, all alex’s toys were on the floor the way we were playing last night, nothing vaccumed, i dunno how i could managed my anger cos most of the time yo can see the flames from miles away!
cut the long story short, this mathafuckin creature didnt know a shit about cleaning, im sure she’d never washed a plate when she was in her own country. blessed as shit, she’d finished jus 1/10th of the dishes, broken my mug (that was kinda dear to me cos it was my first b’day gift from meg & i took it wherever i went), and almost crying cos she didnt know what to do with the washed dishes.(was it my fault she was so tiny?!)
so as a thoughtful dad i am with the creeping crawling creature i have; i had to clean her mess on the floor asap, i told her to collect the bigger pieces till i bring the vaccuum, what she did was staring at me as if i was an alien with 10″ tails (well i have that tail but a few people can see it )
at last the mess was cleared, she was playing with alex using international language to communicate , well poor baby she’s gonna talk chinese first 😦
then i reallized her second mess, i had piles ofsoaking wet clothes infronna my eyes, not too bad, she’d washed my underwear & other stuff with meg’s colored blouses(mostly red, pink,….), omfg, i wouldnt blame her if i gave all of those in the same basket, i put’em in 3 baskets, not too difficult to understand they should be washed seperately. so now i have the most colorful pants in the world (but im not gonna show yo) worst than that she put the only proper shirt i had with all those mess, i was jus lucky she didnt find enough space to put alex’s clothes in.
i was jus wondering what should i say to her that she can understand & make me calm, i was jus thinking of calling her boss & using whatever good words i learned in my teens, at least to calm myself, when outta nowhere this cunt came crying:”serrrr, Du NAT kall mai busss!” omfg, how do yo know what i was thinking about?!
end of story: it was a happy ending, i took that bitch to her working place & shouted as loud as i could releasing all the raoring wrath(they’d call 911 if i stayed an other second), they’re sending another bitch today, to clean all the mess! not too bad, im quite satisfied.
moral of the story: do your own shit yer-fucking-self or tolerate yer shouting wife,she’d be calm in an hour & forgive yo with a bounch of flowers!(see i’ve learned my lessons!)
ok time for bath, i wanna use my cool pants then go out & show it to all my neighbors (FYI: my boss lives right behind our house,so im thinking of a promotion)
have a nice weekend, i gotta think how could that cunt be alive, guess she had some overpowerful gods protecting her!
wife’s be back in 4 days time, to survive or not to survive, that’s the question!
UPDATE: the house is clean as shit, im proud of myself!
2. to kill or not to kill, that’s the question, the answer’s up to demoness!

jus cant sleep, my little demon took whatever strength left in my body, hell i hadnt noticed she’s this heavy. her mom’s out on duty & so im alone with this sleeping demon, wish i could sleep like her.
to stop acting like shit & complaining about how life sucks that obviously is an old story & nobody wanna hear it again, i dig through my mailbox & find this, it’s sorta funny, im done!

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn’t even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn’t want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, “Break time is over! Back on your heads!” (yihihihi)
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though ordinary people think hellboys aint vulnerable by the beast number, the date 6.6.6. was a real hell for 'em or for me.

on this day people thought i look so freaking handsome, sweet,….. (uggghhh im not exaggerating this time, they had this wrong thought) cos

1. i had two weeks of restless nights

2. i only had 2.5 hours sleep(on 6.6.6) & worked on piles of undone work from 12.30 am till 8am

3. poured milk in a glass half full of water (omg im talking about the half full part, guess im insane!) & wondered why the milk tasted like hell

4. had no time for breakfast, morning shower & shaving 😦

5. arrived jus on time for the meeting (omfg, why i arrived on time? didnt i schedule my time in a way so i'd be late at least half an hour!)

6. wife kissed me goodbye (another strange thing) thinking i look sweet!?! uugghhh-dont we have puking face in wordpress?!-

7. boss was fucking satisfied with my work, so disgusting, i satisfied some one's needs, hell gotta hang myself

8. some cow-orkers said i looked handsome with that terrorist face, did i?! i thought im fucking frightening & hate i dont need flirts!

9. had chips & orange juice for lunch (yeah this one was perfect)

10. met barber & nentist on the same day

11. filled another tooth, im thinking of dentures in 10 years time

12. at last got my wooly hair cut, i did look like merinos, well sorry mr merino, i didnt mean insulting yo!

13. im dying for sleep, i look great with red eyes, someone gimme a virtual pillow; i have lotta work to do

thing to ponder:

1.the similiarities & differences between dentists(pronounced nentists) & barbers

2.the similiarities & differences between me & eminem

fact file

looking at myself in the mirror, i discovered im a girl!

fYI: hellboys cant see themselves in mirror cos 1. it breaks into pieces 2. they have no shadow & reflection 3. there are lotta hellboys on earth but people dont know their real names, so they call'em "nemesis"

my dear sister send me this cos she thought it'd make me feel better & indeed it worked,(thank Rinnie) i wanted to send it back to her but thought may be it can help others as well, too cliche' i know. but it's fun to read it one more time, the parts in parenthesis are added by moi! 🙂

If u loved her

  • Leave her cute text messages. (she'd curse or make fun of me when got home!)
  • Kiss her in front of your friends.(then others would think we have serious problems or live in neverland)
  • Trust her over everyone else.(that means deceiving myself)
  • Tell her she looks beautiful.(though sometimes she is, still it's a lie; specially when it takes 1 hour to get ready)
  • Look her in the eye when you talk to her.(that make me nervous & angry & sometimes i cant help myself not to laugh even if im fucking serious)
  • Tell her stupid jokes to make her laugh. (that's the only thing i do, talking crap)
  • Let her mess with your hair.(it's messy all the time, i dont have a comb, no need for help her to make me look worst)
  • Mess with HER hair.( i dont like moving my fingers through some one's hair specially when it's greasy)
  • Just walk around with her.(not in a million years, i only walk with the girl, well she hangs from moi!)
  • Include her in most things you do.(that's horrible, btw i asked her to join some online games, she refused!)
  • When she cries do whatever to make her smile.(im not a clown, btw when she cries it means im outta my mind again aka not taking my pills HiX3)
  • Forgive her for her mistakes.(i do if she does the same)
  • Look at her like she's the only girl you see.(unpossible, i jus enjoy looking at the girl, her mom makes me puke)
  • Tickle her even if she says stop.(she's gonna tickle me back & hell i hate it)
  • Hold her hand even when you are around your friends.(that's foolish, im not gonna lose her, she'd be home for sleep)
  • When she starts swearing at you tell her you love her.(another big lie, how can i love her when she acts like shit?!)
  • Let her fall asleep in your arms.(jesus,then why i paid for such a big bed ?!)
  • Get her mad, then kiss her.(i make her mad every second but no kissing cos im not a kissing machine d'ahhhh)
  • Tease her and let her tease you back.(are we nuts?!)
  • Stay up with her all night when she's sick.(it's her job, not mine!)
  • Watch her favorite movie.(i try not to let her get control over remote control, it's my last sign of manhood!)
  • Kiss her forehead (nope , she doesnt like it)
  • Give her the world.(i can give her a word, world's way too big for her!)
  • WRiTE HER LETTERS.(im not a typing machine!)
  • Let her wear your clothes.(she wears my clothes?! there must be something really wrong with yer mind!)
  • When she's sad, hang out with her.(no way, that makes me feel blue too; btw the reason she's sad is me so i better get outta her sight!)
  • Let her know she is important.( why should i do something unreal?)
  • Let her take all the photos of you whenever she wants. (we dont like people in our photoes)
  • Kiss her in the rain.(we jus have snow so im not gonna kiss her, it's so wet)
  • And when you fall in love with her, tell her. ( i once thought that way & told her , then we got married &my nightmare came true *~*)
  • And when you do tell her.. Love her like you never loved before. ( i dont remember if i ever loved her!)
  • you know it's not really like this :)d

apart from the garbage process that's the most life threatening fact here ,specially in winters, sleeping comes second.

what? you cant believe sleeping can be dangerous too, well many accurate experiments show it is.

the sleeping process can be something like this:

some time in the afternoon (well it's after 9.30-10 with the sun still on) you jump on yer sofa (you gotta own yer sofa) & begin changing channels-another hard job- when got tired of so many commercials, you'd fall asleep, ZzzzZzzzz but as long as the sofa is not comfy, you throw yer pillow & blanket on the floor & crawl down, now this one's better.

note:an extra pillow & blanket should be on the sofa for emergency cases(as mentioned)

after that you can go on yer sleeping. but it wont last long cos outta nowhere someone would call yo to get up & move to bed.

holyshit, it's another hard thing cos firstly you gotta leave yer warm comfy place, secondly you gotta walk up 15 stairs to get near bedroom( who the fuck thought it'd be a great idea to move into a bigger place *~*), thirdly passing by the bathroom there are other things to do fourthly yo gotta brush yer teeth, fifthly yo cant leave bathroom without using toilet specially when you have learned how to use it correctly sixthly after doing yer job-hell this one's not easy either- it's time to get some t.p. by using aerobic movements;when all these things done sevenly, yo gotta take shower cos the germs are dancing all over yo(dont ask for details d'ahhh)

eightly shower shower shower, ninely as far as human dryer is not yet invented yo gotta wait till yo get dried by the artificial warmth of heater. tenly (do we have such a word?!?)it's bed time but you have to move up & down the bed to make it warm.

note: you gotta do it very quietly in order not to wake up the sleeping demons.

after all these hard complicated hazardous things, you cant sleep cos you dont feel like sleeping anymore, now it's time to count the sheep jumping over the fence, 1,2,3,….12354,…,97556415215, im still counting!

now tell me why do you keep on saying life aint as hard as i think. it's hard, hell it's hard.

footnote: in case you stayed in step one aka sleeping in fronna tv, another terrible thing happens, you're gonna catch cold & that's what happened to me this weekend so i stayed in bed & enjoyed soups for two days but the fever & sore throat sucked 😉

 

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

a nice sleep can heal anything, i mean it. no stomachache, it's all gone. well of course i took some pills!

moral of the story: never drink milk with too much fruits or……

 

thanks the girl for not waking us up after midnight. i told her several times it's a very bad habit to disturb others while they are asleep, seems at last she understood. (did she?! i doubt 🙂 )

ok this is for today, gotta go to work.

"Inspection"

An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Checkpoint in the bullet-pocked suburb of Chechnya. The Russian soldier said, "Get out of the car and open the trunk!" The American replied, "I'm sorry, but the hand brake on the car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll back down the hill." So the Russian says, "Do you take me for a FOOL?!" as he slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot onto the brake pedal. "Now, go and open the trunk!" So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldier's request and goes and opens the trunk of the car. "Now", shouts the Russian from inside the car, "Is there any contraband in there?"

"i feel like…" is the very first thing that comes to my mind ever morning (well of course after the bathroom process)

i think of a word & then that makes my day. this is the list of suggested words & their consequences:

1. Shit: it's a great feeling, your day's highlighted by different kinda shit, like bird shit on yer recently washed 4-wheel to boss shit who makes you work extra hours without paying extra money.

2. being lucky: well this is when there's something really wrong when you wake up, like colliding with a moving object aka sb's slippers or hitting yer head against the wall; this feeling gives you nothing except imaginary happiness.

3. feeling tired: this is after a hard working day without much sleep; you wanna stay in bed & sleep forever, well you better get up or there are some living creatures who are ready to break yer neck & let you lie there forever.

4. feeling blue: on this day all yo see is blue, blue sky, blue boss, blue milk, blue snow, blue sun…..

5. studying: this is so rare, apparently this means that there's something really wrong with yer brain. better go to doctor.

6. being happy: what?! wanna be happy?! oh no that's not on the list. if you feel happy then all those unfortunate events gonna happen.

7. enough, havent i said enough crap?! today i feel like being shitty tired, so better go to bed & read some books!

quote of the day: im not silly, well not as silly as you are. but im proud to say im a real jerkass.

question of the day: what's the difference between being "silly" & being "stupid"

i know im so fuckin talented, but there are times i doubt it & there are other times i see some proofs.

today's one of those days i show my talent to everyone. this morning, well, it's still morning , i decided to make breakfast cos it's mother's day & show what a good boy i am; yeah brilliant!

so i started with coffee, some water plus some eggs, i prefer fried eggs, so one boiled egg for meg (she caught cold cos of so many snowballs i threw at her last night, but i feel no pity, she deserved it! yohahahha)

finished with setting the table, i went upstairs to wake everyone up; i really love this part. knock, knock, knock….. stay there till you're sure they're up. i used to turn the lights on as well; but it's useless here, sun's shining brightly most of the times!

i was tryin to convince the girl to wake up; she's the most sleepy creature i've ever seen, she likes to stay in bed till 8-9 (right, unpossible!) when mom-in-law knocked & said, there's something burning. BURNING , no way, i couldnt smell anything, then i was reminded that my nose's one of the useless parts of my body (beside my brain) i can never feel different smells when i have to & i always sense allergens from miles away!

cut the long story short; something was burning, i burnt the boiled egg, this was fabulously new. it's really hard to burn boiling eggs, first you gotta make sure you vaporized all the water(in my case i dont remember whether i put the egg in boiling water or jus on the cooker), then the egg must become really hot, after a while you can decompose some chemical compounds to carbon, apart from the big discovery yo made, the smell is terrible. we opened all windows to get some fresh air.

moral: everyone's so proud of me that they wont let me make breakfast for a while 🙂

i still love being a turtle

happy mother's day to all moms, i never dare to hate all moms, do i?!

untitled2.JPGsorry for the last post, sometimes i feel kinda emo, hope you enjoy this
ps: this is jose, look carefully, he was so small! 😦
A Kindergarten teacher was giving a lesson to her pupils, and she
asked them, "Ok, if three birds are sitting on a fence, and I shoot
one, how many are left?"

One of the boys raised his hand and the teacher called on
him, "None," he answered. "No, I'm sorry, the answer is TWO," the
teacher replied. "But," returned the boy, "if you shot at one bird,
wouldn't the other two fly away?" "Well, that's still not the right
answer," began the teacher, "but I like the way you think!"

"Ok, now I have a question for you," started the boy. "If three
women are standing on a sidewalk eating ice cream and one is just
nibbling at it, one is really licking it, and the other is shoving
it deep down into her throat… how can you tell which one is
married?"

"Now, I really don't like this question," lectured the teacher, "but
I would have to say it is the third one." The boy glanced casually
at his teacher, "Nope, it is the one wearing the ring… But," he
added, "I like the way you think."

cry.gifblank, blank, blank

there's nothing in my mind,this time im happy about it, i thought it's better not to write much till there's some peace.

i dunno why whenever i feel life can be interesting, God goes with the idea "let's screw him" & suddenly all those heavenly scenes vanish & im back in my dirty hell room, yeah it's quite like rest room!

life's been a bit hectic, but it was ok, i was doin ok, im born for tight schedule.

so accidentally & foolishly i told Meg, there wouldnt be much work for wednesday cos we're on the wrong track & gotta recalculate everything.

gee, silly bitch! it's the hunt season; yeah that's the news here. living in a small deserted city, cracking ice & hunting is the hottest news you can hear. so as it was obvious the family decided to gimme the job of baby sitting & enjoy themselves hunting ducks. pretty nice idea.

the girl was in my office right after lunch & apparently nobody did ask for my comment & they didnt realize i might want to join 'em as well.

make the long story short; the girl was in good mood (guess she's the only creature who understands me but i dont think it'd take long till she becomes a perfect jerkass) so we went shopping (she was attached to a shopping list).

shop shop shop, omg, there's nothing worst than this, i prefer electric chair to shopping. well there aint much choices here. lucky me!

it was a brilliant idea to think of the mother's day presents. generally nothing would happen if i pretend i forgot that day, wife'd understand but not her mom! oh holy shit; this kinda shopping is worst than the first. i gotta thank the girl for her wonderful help; i looked so miserable & helpless that a very kind lady wrapped whatever she thought was proper & i jus paid (FYI: paying is hard enough to make me cry)

back home, "soup" was a perfect idea for dinner; having dinner with the girl & then watching tv, i was half asleep when the other members crashed in.

till here the story was so great. it gives you a great feeling to be waken up by some kinda artificial storm & then had to hush the crying frighten baby.

the best part was that they were fucking tired, had a great time & lotta fun & it was time to get mad at whoever nearby.

i had one of the worst quarrels in my life with mom-in-law, & she was somehow happy by driving me mad.

so today i had to apologize for no good reason;well, sun's shinin' again!

 

the weather's getting quite warm 47-50 (i'd call it hot!) & with all the dust & pollen & whatever i dunno, im enjoyin sniff & tears.

im jus wondering what's next on my list of "let's screw this rude boy!"

this weekend gonna be a real hell, i dunno why we have mother's day but not father's day,it's not fair!

sorry for all this shitty rants, im trying to recharge my battery for weekend. i do need a godmother to give me some magical potion. yoohooo fairy godmother can yo hear moi?! yeah, right here, nope,not there, a little to left & north, hey you're pointing at a polar bear not me! 😦

love starts with a drink, grows with a kiss, ends in bed.

dont cry over anyone, you're wasting the water in yer body.

good friends are hard to find, harder to understand & unpossible to dump.

dont let the past hold you back, you better daydream of a fantastic future.

best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us, but siblings are the enemies God gave us as our punishment.

when you fall in love , you think that person's perfect, but you realize yer big mistake when it's too late!

when it hurts to look back & you're scared to look ahead (yo're fucking timid), you can look beside & i'll be there to push you down to the valley of death.

you get up every day & im always there but

Just imagine one day without seeing my messenger icon on,

Just imagine one day without being buzzed by me,

Just imagine one day without foolish conversation of:"hi, how ya, me fine & you, ok, bye" started by me,

Just imagine one week without receiving any spam mail from me,

Just imagine one week without my irrelevant bs comments (that you spend a while to understand what i meant & i spent a longer time to think of!),

Just imagine one week without shitty creepy crapy post in my blog,

Just imagine one week without being hurt with my words,

Just imagine one week without hearing my voice calling you late at night and talkin about the redneck neighbor's dog who enjoys poopin by my auto or the bird who attempt suicide cos of my loud music,

Just imagine a world without me.

 

WHAT?!?! that's your utopia!?!?!?!

ok, jus wish to live a minute without me & you'll be dead, you're cursed yohahaha!

 

i was lickin' some ice-cream & checkin mails, this was cool!

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following

questions !!!

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger

parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in

the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly

use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mum?

1.We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your mum?

1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty

bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk

on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to

chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof

ball.

2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more

to do than dad.

What's the difference between mums & dads?

1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.

2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but mums have all the real power 'cause

that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of

plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of

that.

2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did

it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of

her head.

PS why God made me? that's another question!

 

a while ago some magnets were bought & stuck to the fridge to let our literary talents develop.

i have a bit of that talent but most of it's used to write crap, so a few weeks later, all yo could see was extremely romantic sentences including all F words & a list of "to do" things.

the thing that's available every friday night is "take the garbage out"

though look quite simple, it needs lota effort. a little flash back here: i miss the time i lived on my own in the loveliest city in the world & didnt have to take the rubbish out, jus throw it outta the window, i was in heaven!

but here when the cruel work of taking the garbage out is given to you, it means labor, slavery, ignoring all human rights.

"TTGOP" -taking the garbage out process-

1. move your ass away from the sofa & stop watching commercials(that's really important)

2. put on as many clothes as you can (includes going up the stairs, opening the closet & deciding what to wear)

3. get to the kitchen & handed two big bags full of garbage ( i cant believe we make so much garbage, gotta thank the girl for her hard work of shittin')

4. put on yer shoes include bendin' & buckling

5. then you have to take the long walk to the garbage can, omfg, it takes over 15-20 minutes to get there & back cos every 30-40 houses have a garbage can & yo cant throw it anywhere yo like cos of lota wild animals + dogs willing to tear the bag!

6. if the wife's not around i'd jump into the car & it's fucking easy to get rid of the garbage, but my shining star blinks every 1000 years!

………..& the calender shows friday again, seems gotta get ready for my mission, God gimme strength on this dangerous road to paradizzzzze!

apart from the garbage that im gonna take it outta here in an hour time, it's time to talk about 'tallica. i really love this band. all my life (i mean since me & Meg-aka wife- shared a place) i tried to convince her to show a little interest to hard rock & metal jus for my sake. obviously useless!

so i gotta move round the place with my player on & headphones sticking to ears cos she doesnt wanna hear 'em.

what a hard life i have 😦

the good thing is the most understanding creature in our home aka the girl, apart from my fish pet & cacti plants- really enjoys 'tallica. im sure she's gonna be a great guitarist when she's ol enough to hold one.

every friday afternoon, she sits quietly on my leg , stares at the tv & wait for me to push the cd in & let 'em rock the place (surely the mom's not around). my latest project is to sing her "fuel" as her lullaby. i've already tried "enter sandman" & she cried till her mom came & saved her!

gotta try slipknot too, guess she's gonna like it but it'd be next friday when i get home earlier than her mom!

it's weekend & this complicated technology will be shut down for a while. RIP

my home:DSCN4127.jpg  😆

PS you can enjoy the cool map of alaska while im away!

http://www.infoplease.com/images/malaska.gif, shittt where's Bethel?!

 

http://local.live.com/default.aspx?wip=2&v=2&style=r&rtp=~&&cp=60.77323~-161.76892&lvl=11&sp=aN.60.77323_-161.76892_Bethel,%20Alaska,%20United%20States&msnurl=map.aspx?src%3dFP%26lats1%3d60.77323%26lons1%3d-161.76892%26alts1%3d41.56667%26name%3dBethel%2c+Alaska%2c+United+States%26redirect%3dfalse&msnculture=en-US

PPS if you wanna know yer ideal weight. check here. i got 266lb, considering im jus 145, i fainted hihihi

 

i really didnt want to write about this, but it's something that really makes me nervous & i feel that i cant deal with it on my own.

i know it may look foolish but it's quite a problem of a sort.

it's been a while we're thinking of having another little human & populate the world a lil more. some guys think it's a pretty good idea, some says we better let the girl grow up a bit( i think she's grown up that bit!) & then think of another.

i dunno how's like to be an only child cos i have 2 idiot bros; though i really dont get on well with'em & barely talk to each other, we had a good childhood, so it's not bad to have a brother or sis. so i think it's quite wise to add another member to this moron family of mine!

on the other side, we're a bit young (25-26) & it's hard to deal with all the bills specially in here with the prices 2-3 times higher than other places in US. so we better dont do anything foolish, we can be the girl's friends as well as her parents!

but what if later we regret not giving the chance of a happier life to the girl!

sometimes i wish this baby could talk & tell us what she feels but we gotta wait at least 5-6 months to hear her first word .(i pray it's not "shit" or "fuck….. jus something lovely like mom or dad & i know it'd be better for her to say dad first :lol:)

i really dunno what to do.

"to have or not to have, that's the question!" hellboy Shakespeare