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personally I don’t care much about politics cos i can’t do anything to stop or start something planned!

but when i read this ” Millions of dollars for rural schools and roads in Alaska are now at stake in a confrontation between the White House and congressional Democrats over withdrawing U.S. troops from Iraq.” in the papers, i really despised those fat guys resting their ass on comfy chairs and looking for a way to make their pocket full the money collected from taxes and in the end not only any school or road is made or fixed; they let the troops get mental diseases or die for no reason.

i dunno how this stupidity can be stopped but i think nobody ever stopped such things during the history. So i put my backpack in the car, kick J’s ass to shake a leg, jump into ym chevy and press the gas to get to the airport before the plane takes off.

see you later in Anchorage. i bet I’m gonna die spending 20 days working hard without my family. i already miss Alexis and Meg!

I looked into some old pages and I found this, it looks quite funny right now!(I looked so AC/DC LOL!)

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Closing the door and pulling all the curtains  , i crawled into the bed and closed my eyes, I could hear my own heart beat cos it was beating so fast and strong I thought it might jump out of my rib case ; I was nervous like a teenage boy trying something forbidden for the first time.

I trembled a bit as her lips touched my cheek, it was more like an electric shock given to a dead body. I thought:”Oh my Gawd, I want her more than anything else.” I couldn’t stop myself from what looked so natural. Without much hesitation I hugged her tight. keeping her close to my sweaty body I kissed her cheek and then I kissed her lips. I closed my eyes and stuck my lips to her as long as I could still holding her close to my body.

She tasted me with her tongue and we started eating one another. she was so sweet, tasting like a cup of hot chocolate to me that I felt i was in heaven, I wanted the clocks to stop working and let those moments last for ever.

I didn’t realize when she unzipped my jeans and got her cold sweet lovely fingers inside but just a simple touch of her was more than enough for me; I was as hard as stone and I was sure I wanted her to go further so I let her do whatever she liked to my body. She turned upside down and in a few seconds she was between my legs and she  was exploring my shaft her tongue and massaging my balls with her fingers. I moaned in pleasure, grabbed her hair and directed her head to the place gaping for attention; she took my meat inside her warm mouth and sucked it like a little baby, at first she sucked it slowly then she sucked faster. I couldn’t hold for long, I cried: “omg, I’m cuming” she sucked my cock harder and i came. she ate all my loads & didn’t waste a drop.we were both breathless; but I had to satisfy her too cos I didn’t want to owe her anything. so we quickly got outta bed  and got rid of our clothes. Jumping back on the bed, we got to the 69 position and I buried my face inside her wet pussy, I licked a few drops of her juice then teased her by running my tongue around her well-shaved pussy. She hadn’t left a pubic hair as if she knew we wanted do it that day. the aroma coming from her pussy was so great and intoxicating for me. I dug into her clit thrusting my tongue inside her. I could hear her moaning and panting, I sucked her harder, she let out a loud cry and it was followed by her juices. I licked her clean and she tasted so good. I laid on my back and i was hard again cos she was teasing me with her tongue as I sucked on her clit.

She winked at me then she stood up and parted her pussy lips giving me a full view of her erect clit; it was such a turn on for me that all i wanted was to fuck her tight cunt. She lowered her body as if she read my mind, she grabbed my cock and put the head at her entrance, I was ready to fuck her. I stared at her big beautiful eyes and begged her to go on. slowly slowly she let me in. I couldn’t believe she was so tight, her pussy muscles tightened round my organ and I could see pain in her eyes. She remained in the same position for a few minutes before starting to ride, at first she moved slowly, then she went  faster trying to get me completely inside. But she was so tight and my dick was a bit too thick for her she couldnt take me in. she rode faster and harder as I got closer to my climax. A few more strokes and we both came together and I helped her lay on my side with my semen oozing outta her hole.

I love her so much, she’s so perfect, so hot, so sexy, and sometimes it seems she’s never satisfied and that day was one of those times.

It didn’t take long before she was ready for another mission, she held my cock in her hand and started to play with it to wake up th beast. But I couldn’t keep up with her pace, I needed some time to regain my power and another erection.

she played with my cock for a while till it was hard again then she moved on her for ready for me to get inside of her. I got behind her and held my cock with one hand and lubing the other hand. I played with her ass cheeks then touched her tight ass hole trying to insert a finger but she yelled:” no anal” .shit , I knew; I knew she didn’t want anyone play with her anus. I parted her pussy and got inside of her so hard that she let out a loud scream, I knew she was hurt so I pulled out and this time I thrust slowly. we went on till we came, I came first but i kept on thrusting till she came too, then we laid on the bed holding each other and panting, we were both exhausted.

Thanks heaven her parents were out or they’d kill us if they knew what we were up to.

We spent quite a while together on the bed, kissing and touching then we showered before her parents came home. Then we went downstairs and turned the TV on, pretending we were watching it all day.

Though it was a great time, i still feel something was missing; i wanted her to fuck me from behind with her dildo. i felt my ass was on fire, shit, i hate this feeling, i don’t wanna act like gays.*

*. yes I know  this post was all crap but I have noticed a few things:

1. I write a bit better now

2. I love my wife

3. I was a real fag who was afraid of his own homosexual feelings

4. I’m happy I’ve found my boy

5. just 9 days left and I haven’t done anything for our first anniversary, any one has any idea to help?

to my not very surprise, today Jeff came to my in-laws’ place so he can ask them for some help.
this is the conversation between me & mom (or something like this)
mom: so what’s your problem, keith?
keith: huh? whacha talkin about?
mom: you know what i am talking about, don’t you?
keith: nah, gimme a hint!
mom: com’on keith, don’t pretend you cant understand me. (pointing to the living-room where he’s watching TV)
keith: aha,HIM! no problem.
mom: so why you don’t talk to him?
keith: cos we have talked a lot, nothing left to say.
mom: but he says he can explain, he jus wants a chance.
keith: mom, why ya on his side? he’s said what he could say. what does he wanna add?
mom: give him a chance, for my sake.
me thinking and scratching my curly wavy hair.
keith: ok,only cos you asked me but he can have just a minute.
so i went to the living-room
me: hey
he raises his head and looks at me with a stupid grin on his face.
me: so whadya wanna say?
HIM: hi, come & sit here.
i stand still by the entrance.
me: i don’t have much time.
Him:(looking a bit offended) whad do yo wanna do?
me: Alexis wants her horse to give her a long ride on his back.
Him: and that’s more important to you?
me: playing with my daughter is more important than many things.
Him: I see
me: so?
i keep silent for a while but he doesn’t want to speak so i go on.
me: Look J i’ve told you everything, and i’m gonna buy you a pair of rings if that’s all you want.
Him: keith!
me: yes! what do you wanna tell me? you wanna say you’ve decided to get married and live a very straight life in MY city, right?
Him: for heaven’s sake, slow down.
me: time’s up, i have to go.
Him: fuck you………
i don’t let him finish his sentence.
me: no, i don’t have the time to get fucked, besides i don’t have any condom here and i’m not in the mood and well i’m having my period.
grinning at his puzzled look, i go outside the room looking for my little girl.
me: Alex, Alexis, Lexiiiiiiisssss, where ya? come to daddy!
wiggling her little hands she runs down the stairs.
me shouting: ” holy …….-i bite my lip remembering i shouldn’t curse infronna her- don’t run”
i catch her somewhere in the middle of air and hug her tight. she screams and i let her go.
Putting her hands on the side of her head she says: “Orse”
me kissing her:” ok, horse but that’s a rabbit that has big ears like you” she giggles.

15 minutes later, me lying on the sofa half dead half alive, i wasn’t born a horse!
i can hear Alexis shouting at her mom for not giving her lipstick to her, God she’s an exhibitionist even now!

He comes to the room, touching me on the shoulder, i open my eyes and sit.
me: what?
Him: you played with her, didn’t you?
me: so?
Him: can we talk now?
me: i thought we talked enough that night and you were supposed to leave last morning, weren’t you?
Him: can you shut your fucking mouth up for a second and listen?
putting my forefinger to my noise and said:” shush no f-words, she may hear”
lowering his voice:”ok, i made a mistake but i wanted to know how it was like.”
me almost shouting:” how it was like, how it was like?!, do i look like donkeys? do you see a tail? and you didn’t know how it was like?! you’re trying to say you were virgin? go fuck yer mom……….
mom came to the room: KEITH!
me feeling red with blushes: sorry, i meant nothing
i wait till she goes out of the room
me: so what do you want now?
unzipping my jeans i went on: so you wanna fuck me to see how it is like?
he grabs my jeans before falling.
Him: Keith, for God’s sake, for the sake of the one whom you worship, for the sake of your loved ones
i stare at him, and said: ok for their sake what? don’t ask you to fuck me cos i need something in my ass!?huh?!
him looking else where and murmuring: “bitch”
me: i heard it, yes i’m a bitch, didn’t you know that? then what?
i zip my jeans and make a bee line for the door
him: i’m sorry keith, i’m really sorry
me: if you cry, i may think about it
Meg coming to the room, pretending she didn’t hear anything; “so what’s the problem boys?”
me leaving the room: nothing, it seems HE has found something new.
as i was almost outside the room, i shouted:” hey Meg do you have a good dress for his wedding?”
she smiles at Him and follows me out of the room, ” may be you have to buy me one!”
we let him think on his own, i wave at mom as we open the entrance door to go out for a walk with my arm round her waist.
mom: don’t stay out too long, it’s cold out there and don’t come late for lunch.
me: yes sire!
and i shut the door.
****************
may be you think i should have given the chance. actually i did and now i want him to decide what he wants from his life on his own. yes i love him and i don’t wanna lose him but i can’t tie to my bed!
i’m not sure what i really want to hear from him, well may be i’m a pussy bisexual preferring males to females more and he’s bi too, i knew it but i didn’t expect him dumping me without any warning. my heart is not a crowded street that many people come and go every where, i can’t love many people from the bottom of my heart, i have a limited space there and he has to make his choice!
***> any suggestion to get outta this hell is welcomed 🙂

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*. another me & boy friend story!

He rested his hand on my chest and took a deep breath.

 “I feel a bit sore and tired, wanna go on?” he asked. I grabbed his head and pulled him close enough to whisper something in his ears. ” do you wanna come with us or not?”

he licked my cheek gently then said:” surely you have no right to leamme here, on my own.”

I loosened my fingers and let him adjust his body to a better position as I leaned on my elbows and pushed myself to the other end of the bed to have a better view of my lover.

he looked like a naughty boy ready to play with; I took a good long stare at him and admired his muscular body with my fingers running up and down his hand.

” how long you wanna tease?” he asked.

“you know I enjoy exhaustin’ and playin’ with my prey before eatin’ him.” I licked my lips.

he grabbed his very hard cock in his hand and stroked it several times, I leaned forward to touch his beautiful cock too shouting:” no jerk off, that’s mine, all mine”

he smiled wickedly, rising on his knees and pushing me away.

“you wanna tease, ok, you’re gonna be teased till you beg me stop.”

 All I could do was running on my hands and knees trying to get outta bed but he was fast enough to catch me by my foot and pull me back on the bed, I tried to escape but he put all his weight on my body and stuck me to the bed.

he started biting  the back of  my neck, his hands holding my wrist and giving me no chance to move.

I shouted:” J you’re hurting me bitch”

 he loosened his hands a bit so I could change my very unstable position.

“so what should I do with my disobedient lover” he asked.

 “do as you like but move your fucking knee away from my back, you’re breaking it!”

he pushed his knee against my back harder, I tried to throw him to the other side of the bed but he was holding me really firm. “it hurts, yeah?” he asked.

 “I’m gonna fuck you to death as soon as I get outta your hell.” I yelled.

“you’re a bluffer, you can’t do anything at the moment.” he said and pushed me harder against the bed, it was hard to breathe.

” babe, lemme go, I beg you, I’m sorry, damn yo, you’re breaking my bones.” I cried.

“what’s today?”  he asked.

 ” I dunno, it’s another fucking Saturday, J lemme go, please.”  the pain was getting worse.

” and you still remember our bet?”  he was really enjoying himself.

” bitch, yeah, ok do as you like but my dead body won’t do you much for pleasure.” I couldn’t go on tolerating more pain.

 “ok, good boy!” he said this and moved to the other side of the bed. both of us covered in sweat, I turned to the other side so I could look into his eyes.

We stayed still for several minutes before I moved my arms round his waist and pulled him closer.

“you were killing me”  I kissed him on the cheek.

“But you’re still alive.”  embracing each other, I licked his lips.  he tasted good, I like his taste, his tender kisses but  I couldn’t stay like that for long.

I kissed him lustfully, he kissed me back. I put a hand on his ass cheek.

 shivering a little, he said: “shiiittt, your hand’s so cold”

he bent toward the floor to find the blanket.

 we moved under the blanket, I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his shoulder, I could hear his breath, he could hear mine. his fingers caressed my back.

” I love you baby.” I whispered.

“so do I, asshole” he whispered back.

we remained in each others arms for a while, I enjoyed rubbing my body against his. my hands were pretty warm by then and all I wanted was to sleep in his arm, I was so tired to think of anything else.

 But the other head was really  busy and hard. I rubbed my hand against his smooth skin till at last I found his hand  jerking his hard dick slowly, I put my hand on his hand, then held it tight and  brought it to my mouth, licking every finger.

 now my hand was resting on his hard cock. I moved a bit upward so I could see his face. I squeezed his balls a little, then put both hands on his shoulders and turned him to his back  then raised my body a bit, putting my leg on his other side and then he was between my legs. I pressed my chin against his chest, then put my weight on my elbows as I rubbed my dick against his groin, he closed his eyes.

 I began to rub my hard cock against his fully erect cock, he put his hands on my hips and pushed me closer, I pushed back. He let out a loud moan as I kissed his lips.

I increased my pace and he moaned louder as  I rubbed my balls against his and it felt so good.

I buried my face in his pillow as he parted my ass cheeks, I was dying to feel his fingers inside, I wanted him to fill my painful butt hole.

 Out of the blue the door banged open.” whacha you boys doin’ here?”  my wife asked.

J pushed me off his body trying to sit.

“com’on outta bedroom, I wanna change my clothes & I think you were supposed to pack your luggage by now.” she said merrily.

 “When did you come? We didn’t hear you!” I said. me & J were sitting by each other’s side and holding the blanket tight to hide our naked bodies.

Meg came to me and kissed me gently trying to pull the blanket.

“Nooooo” I shouted. “Give us 10 more minutes”

 “& you think that’s gonna be enough for you” she winked at J.

“at least we can try” I replied.

“nope, I give you a minute to get outta bed and go” she turned her back to us as if our only minute was started.

” fuck you, at least go outta the room so we can get dressed” I demanded.

 ” errr, you’ve been very bad boys and you gotta pack right now so you have no time to fuck me” then she stuck her tongue out at me  and made a bee line for the door.

 As she left, I turned to J, touching his cock under the blanket, he was as hard as me. ” do you think we have enough time?” I asked stroking his cock.

Meg knocked on the door:” I’m comiiiinnnnnggggg boys”

 ” No” J shouted, jumping outta  bed, we got dressed as quickly as we could.

 

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*:”thanks, it was a good night. we’re gonna meet again, right?”

# counting the extras:”yeah sure, why not?”

*:”can we meet this saturday?”

#:”let’s discuss it later, i gotta check my calender.”

*:”k, bye then.”

and how much i hated idiot johns like, *, when trying to act nothing has happened and ending their conversation with nice words.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Being tied to the bed, struggling with the pain, looking for a way to get rid of the addiction: I HAD ENOUGH TIME TO THINK, to review, to remind myself who i was, who i am and who i will be.

i wasn’t born a whore, actually i had one of those wonderful families with caring parents. my best mate was my dad and sometimes i feel he was the only one in this world i felt so close. both my parents were graduated from good universities, we weren’t rich but almost alway i had whatever i wanted so i’m quite spoiled.i went to good schools but most of ’em cramming religious stuff to weekly lessons. i read bible and went to church every Sunday.

i was so dependent to my parents, suddenly my house of dreams turned into ruin, i had no where to go, i was lost and nobody cared cos i was old enough to stand on my own feet and i hated God. i remembered all those fucking moral lessons so i took the road going left cos it was said the road on the right side ended to his fucking paradise.

Sex, the big taboo in my life then looked so fascinating. i could see all roads ended there and though painful the first time it still looked mysterious and and inner will asked me to give it another chance to exist.

some thought i was genius, i ignored them. but in the end i was the one who got the scholarship to prove that i didn’t need anyone’s help or sympathy, to prove i wanted my uncle dead, to prove he wasn’t my dad so he had no right to decide for me, to prove i was better than him and to prove i could do terrible things to his family right under his nose without him noticing. & it was no pleasure when after so many years i told him me and his daughter fucked each other more than he could count, it was a silly revenge that cost me a dirty soul that could never been cleaned.

the first time i did it the only reason was being too drunk and too curious but later i did it for the money. it’s easy to say, it looks like nothing when you watch in those XXX movies but actually the very first times are not that easy. you’re just selling your body to worthless drunkards who hardly remember their own names to gain what? just 50$ if lucky.

you could smell alcohol on my breath and i denied drinking; you could see empty syringe by my bed and i found it insulting to be considered a junkie, you could see the cum dripping from my butt and i refused to admit being a cheap  pro.  and how silly i was.

I don’t remember how i survived; well i do but i don’t wanna recall.

my soul is restless, my brain switches between moods and feelings so quickly sometimes my body can’t adjust and i found a few reasons to explain my bad behavior, the best and the most favorite is suffering from bipolar disorder. WTF! those who’re familiar with it, know it can be a trigger but not a reason, so i’m a shameless lier.

And the pain, sometimes it gets so intense i wanna die and well that’s the thing i want most of my days.

it was so ridiculous they didn’t fire me from university and it was a worse joke telling me i was graduated!

i loved kids but never thought of having one of my own, i enjoyed dating girls, calling some of them “girl friend” but i never wanted a female creature in my life, even the sex with them was a mean of masturbatory  aid. Getting my ass involved in a straight marriage was never on my list.  And i always tried to look at guys as a mean for earning easy money, how could i love a guy when the word gay wasn’t defined in my homophobic dictionary!

i still remember my first serious relation with a guy, we weren’t of the same kind yet i loved him. i still remember the feeling of envy i had meeting the gay couple living on the last story of the little creepy place i shared with a black guy.

She must be a magician, she must have poisoned me, she must have stolen my soul and made me dependent to her breath to live another moment. she slipped into my life quietly, introducing herself as a room mate. then she named herself a “good shoulder to cry on”. and now she owns me or at least she as my soul though there are times she can’t own my body or mind.

she looked so much like a human,  so she deceived me easily into handing her the key to my heart. my heart was filled with hatred, she cleaned it and put her love there. i told her there shouldn’t be any girl in my heart cos i was so gay, she smiled and said:”homosexuality is a choice” i betrayed her, hit her, cheated on her, insulted her. she stared at my eyes telling me my eyes were still innocent.

i left her to meet some fresh guys, to heal my gay feelings, to prove myself that my heart had no place for her, she showed me a very little ugly creature and called it “my child.

i told her that child wasn’t mine, it was a bastard. she gave me reasons i couldn’t deny. she said the baby wasn’t a bastard cos she had a dad and i was her dad. i told her i wasn’t born  to be a parent. she insisted and i told her i’d rather die than being her dad. i didn’t want to be her dad so i tried to kill her dad. why i survived, i still don’t know; may be it was her prayers that saved my shitty life.

i left her with her ugly child, looking for more guys to fuck, to sooth the never ending hunger of my inner lust. i enjoyed working in a gay bar, the money wasn’t so good but at least i could show my lustful body.

she prayed and prayed and prayed nights and days not to have me back but to save my soul. So i met a very hot guy that the first thing i wanted to do was to rip his pants off and  do his ass. he turned out to be my guardian angel, so pure i never dared touching him and he kicked my ass really hard that when with lotta trouble i managed to stand on my own feet, i was walking in a path full of lights, it was the right path i didn’t take years ago to show Mr. almighty i wasn’t his puppet.

i tried to be someone else, to love Mr. almighty, to love his creatures, to love my soul. it was a good experience i have to admit. Islam was a good inhibitor for me that put a big “don’t touch” sign on many things. i enjoyed some of them so i’m gonna stick to them for the rest of my life. But it seems i was born gay if not slut.

i was sure there won’t be any human being on this planet that could love me; i was wrong! and i hurt many of those caring humans. i tried to be as straight as possible but that’s not on my list. i love my boy friend but not as much as my family. and i enjoyed his escorting job though it was very sick for a married man that no matter i enjoy fucking random genius guys, i put it on my “never-done-again” list.

And i spent the rest of the night thinking and thinking and thinking. Thinking about the girl who enchanted me with her never-ending love. i even went through some old blog entries and i dunno who the fuck writes like this on his wedding day:

let’s stop for a second, kick everyone around then shout as loud as you can.

life’s so boringly mysterious.

congrats to myself.

i ate 2 ice-creams; watched Marilyn Manson, Korn & Kittie for 3-4 hours & finished my template.

beside that i only slept 2 hours cos i couldnt sleep!

wow im so happy. have a terrible headache; feel everything’s spinning round my head & see everything in the style of 3 year ol’ kids drawings!

could i have a better day than this!

let’s rock the world, i wanna turn the speakers up so i can shake the whole house, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh, i love ittttttttttttt! (shout please)

im gonna make you, shake you ,take you, im ganna be the one who breaks youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

& this for the day after his marriage:

when nightmares come true

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i always thought of a time machine when i was a little boy; i didnt want it to go to past but to future.

i really wanted to know what would happen to me when i grow up.

obviously if we knew what’s waiting for us in the future,…….. fill the rest the way you like!

i aint gonna say anymore.

 i have a calender hanging in my room & it shows april 6th 2006; omg that means im getting older each day; there’s no time machine & as a result no future !lol

jus imagine if one of your nightmares come true; how would you feel?

if you could choose which nightmare come true, what would you choose?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while & the conclusion is my real nightmare had come true without me noticing!

seems i missed the point; no other chance to choose.

ok better change this guy singing foolishly in my ears; he’s driving me crazy.

i’m sick of myself cos i don’t wanna confess i didn’t mention Alexis existence before deciding to have another baby and there are lots of more not to be mentioned!

and now my wife’s colleagues refer to me as a caring dad and a responsible husband, if only they knew what a devil lives behind that innocent mask!

all i want now is to get rid of this excruciating pain and get back to work, finish my fucking contract and go back to where i belon. somewhere i have more time to play with my little girl and annoy my wife!

*. if you know what kinda creature i am, please let me know!