Skip navigation

once upon a time, long time ago, “to be, or not to be” was a question, but now things have changed a lot. the “being” is not that important. the being…. makes difference.

so the other day i was chatting with “the other guy”-don’t think wrong, he’s straighter than anything you can think of, so he’s just a friend- and the conversation went on like this:

 me: hug me

that guy: already

me: where?

me: how?

that guy: cant you feel it?

me: no. i think you’re hugging the wrong guy

that guy: what??

that guy: you re fat and pale, right?

me: fuck u! where have you gone?

me: gay-asian bar? 

that guy: oh, shoot! it’s a girl.

me: huh?

me: went to the les? omg

that guy: God im blessed!

(i showed him my picture)

me: this is me

that guy: really?

me: yeah. btw do i really look fat and pale?

that guy: no,   you look weird

me: why?

me: do i have horns and tail and boobs?!

that guy: gayish?

me: i dunno.you tell me

that guy: you feel like choosing a right path, buddy??

me: what path?

that guy: your life

me: hhmm no so sure. but i think it’s fine

me: u dont agree?

that guy: sorry i dont

me: i guessed so

me: is your way right?

that guy: i guessed so

me: lucky then. im not jealous

me: i couldn’t change anything actually

that guy: i dont ask you to

that guy: really?

me: yes really

that guy: you re a loser i know

me: u know i tried

me: i know it

me: no need to be reminded

that guy: never again

me: my pleasure

me: you wanna confirm what?

me: my whole existence is a sin?

that guy: that’s confirmed

that guy: no need to be reminded

that guy: just wonder..

me: wonder what?

that guy: it is stupid that you think you couldn’t change anything and blame god

me: i dont blame him. i never did

me: i just say my creation was the worst thing he could do

that guy: that’s blaming, pal

me: ok. i cant change it. I’m fucked

that guy: now let say, you cant change it and you just follow it

me: ok as you say

that guy: now you wanna affect people around yo?

me: i was born a loser. no i just want to love and be loved

that guy: don’t you think ya have power

me: for what?

that guy: look at your words, man. you have power

that guy: you may have affected many people

me: to be a jerk?

that guy: you happy?

me: i think so

me: you wanna conclude I’m happy with some powers, right?

that guy: maybe, and happy you get some attention with that

me: what a poor creature i am then

me: i’d rather go to bed

me: g’night

And the chat was over but i didn’t go to bed. later we chatted a little more and he claimed i’ll be a threat to my little girl for being gay.

how can i be such? i mean no harm to her. well may be drunk dads say the same but still beat their families but i’m not into alcoholic drinks nor drugs. and i don’t think loving my boyfriend would make me so insane that i try to harm my little girl. that’s way too stupid.

but well there’s this possibility of being hated by her for my sexual orientation. that’s as much as possible when parents kick their kids outta home for the same reason.

i don’t wanna conclude anything and i don’t wanna deny being bisexually gay. and i think even denying it, won’t help me much when me and my wife are screwing one an other and i can’t stop my mind thinking  of him instead of her.

but there’s this fact. i’m a loser in this world and the world of the dead. i can say i tried to change a few things but i’m not giving my boyfriend to a pile of written stuff claiming i will go to hell for being myself and for loving the man of my dreams.

why no guy goes to hell for loving a woman? (3-4 women in other religions!) that’s not a sin but it can make me a real psycho running after my daughter for that reason.

Advertisements

6 Comments

  1. Who the fuck is this guy you have been ‘chatting’ to … do you know him??? More to the point, does he know you???

    Fucking hell … this made me mad, K.

    How dare he question your Parentage. How dare he question what kind of Father you are or aren’t to YOUR little girl.

    Fucking a’hole.

    Shit … seems to me that you take responsibility for your marriage and your daughter.

    so what if you are more gay than straight … you are far fucking more than the people you have sex with.

    If you were some fucking sex-obsessed irresponsible arsewipe K, you would have fucked of long ago and been living in screwed-up lost place with a screwed-up lost person.

    Fact is … you work hard, you look after your wife, you look after your daughter … and, you look after yourself.

    Kids judge parents K, think about how much you judged your parents.

    I know I did.

    But, being a parent, a good one, makes you more aware of what your children will judge you on.

    My daughter has loads of shit to throw at me.

    I say ‘Bring it on little lady.’

    K, your sexual orientation is only one part of you … there is so much more for your daughter to love.

    So fucking what if her Dad is gay.

    Sheesh.

    I don’t know why you continued to chat to this person.

    His arse is in the wrong place!

    ha ha!

    xx

  2. to be honest personally i know a few things about this guy, or it’s just random chats but well he’s so fascinating to me to some extent (mentally not physically!) he’s always disagreeing and accusing me of being wrong or being a loser and somehow i feel he might be right or sometimes i need someone to tell “hey, K. take a look at yourself in the mirror, whacha doing with your like, fucking and get fucked?!!”
    may be that’s all i need to keep the balance but i have to admit most of the times he hurts me so bad, i won’t chat with him for a while. (random stupidity typical to me, huh?!)
    but you’re right, this time he did cross the line. i’m fine with being a loser, or at least i never tried to be a winner for any price though i won many things. but accusing me of being a bad dad or as you said questioning my parentage was way too rude.
    i’m no angel, i admit to have millions of faults but WTF i think i’m a good dad.
    i learned a baby doesn’t want her parents for the sake of the money only but for the love they give (though having money is quite an important fact). i admit i’ve been a real asshole for the first 6 months of her life. i experienced screwed-up place and people and honestly i didn’t like it at all. WTF, i shitted her life and then i tried to fix it and it’s not that much easy for such a troublesome kid like me.
    thanks for reminding me of the facts. i know me and my wife are at the beginning of parenthood road and there are a lot more to face but well we’d gone through enough shit till now.
    you’re right, she’s gonna judge me the way i judged and hated my parents as a teen (and i really don’t remember anything though i know i was a big torture for my parents). but who cares, i’m gonna ask her to shoot her hatred , may be i find some explanation.
    i’m not sure but there must be a few good things about me that make me so lovable hihihiihi (kidding) but may be 10-12 years from now, everything changes so no one hate their parents for their sexual orientation. may be it becomes fashionable to be gay LOL!
    so you’re right. probably i won’t chat with him next time i feel bored, then can i chat with you?! 😉
    and thanks for saying so many good things now i have to shake a leg, gotta get dressed right now or i’ll be late for my lover’s birthday. it’s time for the boys to party but unfortunately people here are not gay at all so we couldn’t have a “all-male” party. i’m afraid to admit there are way too many females there than males but who cares, we’re gonna rock the place.
    shheeeeessshhh, it’s gonna pretty dull though, no kiss, no drugs, no drinks, no sex, i miss my home town!
    btw you can come too, if you can do some magics to get here 😉
    thanks again!
    :-*

  3. i think the problem is cheating on your wife, not being gay!

    your daughter won’t mind that as long as you are a good dad, i know people who love their dad’s and don’t care at all what their sexual orientation is, BUT it’s hard to forgive and respect someone who knowingly hurts your mother.

  4. Hi Ki
    eerr so i gotta try hard to be a good dad then 😉

    to cheat or not to cheat!! that’s a hard question.
    so when my wife knows everything about me and my boyfriend and she thinks it’s ok with her; am i still cheating?!!

  5. fuck that guy for being such a damn prick. he’s ignorant and he’s prob. going to hell for trying to pass judgement, you are a great person and you do your best and thats all that matters, but stop calling yourself a loser or i’ll karate chop yo asssss 😉 😛

  6. oooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh
    i wanna call myself loser and see what will happen LOL!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: