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یک لحظه سکوت کن و به اطرافت نگاه کن. دیدی چقدر کوچکی؟ حالا فهمیدی که هیچی نیستی جز یک نقطه ی خیلی کوچک در یک بینهایت!
هیچ کس تو رو نمیبینه!
اصلا چرا باید ببینه؟
حالم از تمام این برفی که اطرافم را گرفته است بهم می خورد! آخر زیادی تمیز است و من خیلی کثیف
بوی تغفن را تو هوا حس می کنم
this body stinks and it’s all mine, just for me and nobody else!
have you ever imagined what happens to the body when buried six feet under?
my body is decaying right infronna my eyes, i can feel all those little microbes eating me alive, i can feel their metabolism, every second millions of bacterias are born to eat me , to accelerate the speed of destroying my whole existance
and i’m sitting right here and watching them, it’s another documentary and i’m the star! does anyone want to nominate me for a prize? what was the name? aha the most disgusting man on this planet.
چشمهایم را می بندم و سعی می کنم در سکوت اطرافم غرق شوم. همه جا ساکت است , آنقدر ساکت که تا چند دقیقه پیش می توانستم صدای تپش قلبم را بشنوم ولی دیگر هیچ صدایی نمی آید. دیگر قلبم نمی خواهد بزند و احتمالا مرده است, بله از این بوی گند خفه شده است؛ از بویی که همه جا هست!
leamme alone and let me cry for myself, they’re burying my body cos the smell was killing them.
it’s been a long time it was in the town; they could smell it whenever they passed me, even some of them could see me, stared at me but then left. Many didn’t see me at all but i was sitting there silently watching them pass by and enjoy the disgusting view of my rotten body.
after a while people who lived on that street were so used to the smell that it didn’t exist for them anymore.
some said that i was still alive but i should be cremated for the sake of the city, more people were dying because of that dammed smell.
and they took me to the churchyard cos the priest said if they cremate me the smell would be doubled and then the ashes flew in the air and spread the smell
So they buried me and i sat there quietly watching them, there was a big hole dug, i bet it was more than 10 feet, they threw my body there and in a flash of light tones of soil covered my body, i watched them as they finished their job, nobody came for my funeral, nobody cried.
آنقدر تنهام که فکر می کنم اگر جیغ هم بکشم کسی نمی شنود! شاید بشنود ولی اهمیتی نمیدهد.
انگشتهای استخوانی ام را دور گردنم حلقه می کنم و با هر نفس حلقه را تنگ تر. یک چیزی زیر انگشتهایم می لغزد
yeah, Adam’s apple , the symbol of sin, big unforgivable sins
and my life is covered with sins, they’re so many that i can’t remember all of them .
and i no more feel guilty but there’s no joy left!
I told him not to come, I warned him that the ending wouldn’t be happy, I begged him not to ruin everything, I asked him to end our foolish relation
But he didn’t listen, he came and i wasn’t waiting for him and he didn’t wait for my reaction, he didn’t let me decide.
in a fraction of a minute he was in the bedroom , so did i
i closed my eyes, then opened. we were cuddling and caressing each other like we’ve done it for years. my brain was still in control and i tried for the last time. it shouldn’t happen, not then, not there , not to me.
an other wink, he was on top, and it felt great, i wasn’t fighting anymore, i surrendered myself to him.
i can’t believe i let him do that to me. another unforgivable sin.
and i deserve hell, i can feel the roaming fire touching my skin just for a momentary joy.
was it joy or was it lust?
دیگر به هیچ جایی تعلق ندارم. گم شدم. تک و تنها وسط یک بیابان. بدون آب بدون عذا بدون دوست
تمام فرشته ها رفته اند. من ماندم و کوهی از گناه. گناههای ریز و درشت , گناههای نابخشودنی
i let him fuck me on our bed. on the bed we shared so many sad and happy moments, i sold her to get nothing but a painful pleasure, a feeling of being filled, a gay feeling
مطمئنم دیگر نگاهم نمی کند چون او هم مثل سایر فرشته هاست. تحمل این همه کثافت را ندارد
this body stinks, every where is filled with dirt, with my own shit.
and i’m a helpless miserable fag, worse than that i’ was so shameless, i didn’t give her any chance to forgive and forget.
where’s my rifle? i have to end this shitty life, i have to be a dead body so they can bury me.
They won’t bury me alive, this body stinks, i can’t breathe anymore, let me die!


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