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it’s another blankness attack, seems some one formatted all my hard disk. im all blank. nothing interesting comes to my mind, it’s all the same. the same long road outta hell. i hate feelin like this, when things are not as bad as it seems, the sun’s killing himself to find a way to send his last rays between small gaps of thick clouds, making the sky look a different blue, something purple may be. & here i am staring at the sky and seeing nothing, i hear voices but it seems they’re not for my ears. nothing’s for me. and i start another stupid struggle, fighting demons with empty hands cos i left my sward in a place i shouldnt gone. nothing more to discover, yeah sounding so like a big piece of shhiiitttt. & even these heavy rains cant wash me away. have you ever felt your soul’s too dirty that it can never look cleaner than shit. im ashamed of myself, my deeds & the fact i cant change, better say i dont wanna change cos i love dirt & im hell jealous of those guys with clear souls, always ready to face death & be sure there’s no other place for them than heaven. im not even sure about having the tendancy to meet death, whatif i die now? i know what’s waiting for me, a pot of molten metal ready to be poured on me & probably worst. this time im not writing for anyone, to anyone but jus myself, for myself, to remind myself of the virginity lost. to reallize im digging deeper and deeper in the world of shits and dirt. to slap myself to wake up. it’s no use to play hide & seek forever, for how long, how far do i wanna go on this foolish game. what’s the use of running away from the real-me, breaking mirrors to avoid my ugly face. im tired of myself. once a while i start this loop of “why you dont stop being a shit!” get to somewhere then lost in my dirty everyday life & forget everything, then may be sometime somewhere something remind me of the things i dumped & the loop goes on again, this time less effective. im sure if i dont stop it right now, sooner or later i stop hearing my own angel & drown in eternal hell. so this day is the rememberance of the many good things lost, it’s a warning, it’s a fortune to remember who i should be. this time next year may be i wont be on this planet, but if i am, i pray to Lord to help me improve, to be better & not be so much ashamed of myself. so for the start: I do appologize all guys who were some how offended by my words. im sorry for my harm to you. for the sake of the one you worship, forgive me. i promise to try my best to think once before saying anthing. thanks for tolerating my shit.



  1. are you okay…?
    Hope you okay! Don’t talk like that…
    makes me worry

  2. blank is not always bad, it can be alright too… 🙂

  3. rinnie, yep fine
    mayang, really? so that’s why you’re always blank?

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