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A major research institution has recently
announced the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science.

The new element has been named
“Governmentium. ” Governmentium has
1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These particles are held together by forces
called Morons, which are surrounded by
vast quantities of Lepton-like particles
called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it
is inert. However, it can be detected, as it
impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. A minute amount of
Governmentium causes 1 reaction to take
over 4 days to complete, when it would
normally take less than a second.

GOVERNMENTIUM has a normal 1/2-life of
4 years; it does not decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion
of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’ s
mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons
to become Neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads
some scientists to believe that Governmentium
is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass!”

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium
becomes Administratium- -an element which
radiates just as much energy, since it has
1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.


One Comment

  1. Alas, so true. So have you discovered anything that will neutralize this mass of useless elements?

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