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reading this, i felt kinda jealous. it's foolish but i never had this much of courage to admit & talk about what i felt & what i feel every year on that certain day.

i always hated people for saying "i understand your feelings", knowing it's jus a big lie, im not gonna say so, i've never been in their shoes . but i can try to imagine how they felt "miserable,unfair"

over 9 years passed & i still cant talk about it, the more years pass, the fresher it gets;jus like a swollen wound, i can gaze at the screen, think & think & think without writing a word.

there are times i feel God's not fair, how could he done that, there are millions of ol people in this world prayin for death, why he does it to guys who're not ready yet.

geeeee i cant go on, better stop this shit before the tears rollin down my face.

i miss my parents badly, more than any other time, i wanted them to be in my wedding, i wanna tell 'em i love you, i wanna have my mom in my place this sunday to show her im not that aggresive naughty boy anymore.



  1. Nothing wrong with tears. They wash you from the inside out. They make room for the good stuff. And it does take a lot of courage to write about things that hurt. I admire people of courage…and you are one of those people.

  2. i love tears, actually the girl makes me cry every morning!

  3. Terrible things happen to good people. There are no words. There is nothing I could do or say to change what happened or to make you feel the slightest bit better. If you were here I’d hug you- I’d hold you and tell you it’s alright. But I’d also be lying. It’s not alright. Never will be. Hold your head up- you know they’d be so proud of who you are today. xx

  4. that’s enough; yes i know you’re lying, yo wont hug me! 🙂
    hhhmmm & im sure my parents are really proud of my burnt boiled egg!
    but great thanks, i really needed that kinda post

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