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Every day i open my eyes, there’s no difference, it’s jus all th same. the day light would come,in an hour or so. i just make another shedule like other days, call it different & leave the home.

another week means another fighting, another race to begin. getting up ,eating ,checking mails, running for the bus, going to classes, no time for lunch, checking mails again, updating blogs, again classes , back home , TV , reading, sleep. it’s jus all the same. some one’s puffing my life candle like mj, i dont like it, i have to stop it.

another day begins, i feel it’s my day, i try to feel happy & smile, keep your lips up & show your tooth to others, when you smile , no matter fake or real you get another smile; i know what goes on in others mind “how can he smile at this terrible life?” who said im smiling im mocking & mugging, decieving myself.

i look for new things in the same ol’ path, looking for new guys in the same ol’ bus, reading my books & listening to my loud music, trying to pretend there’s nothing in life that can bother me;

sometimes i wonder how i can play in such a silly game, when i know there’s nothing left in my pockets & cards gazing at the bars, waving for tipsy guys & waiting for another shining star to rise, call it my star & smile at it, then realize it was only light of a chopper flying away.

i like the city i live in, i like the people i meet everyday, i like smiling at strangers saying morning ; but you know what, it’s jus a dream , it’s jus a lie, i turn on my player & wait for a bus, i dont smile, i dont try to wave others goodbye, i jus go & come, nobody ever see me, nobody ever talk to me, nobody wait to shake a hand, i never hear “what’s up dawg!” im a nobody. so i close my eyes & pray to lord to cut my rope or blow my candle, all i wanna do is cry & die.

this endless swamps & whirl pools of nothingness & depression’s killing me. i want some one to hold me tight , to push me forward, God i need strength, im outta my mind again.

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